"Some days, the fact that you can still make me laugh, even while my insides are crying, reminds me of exactly why I fell for you in the first place"
reblogged from just lia
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I'm tired.......
I have started this post so many times.....and stopped because I don't want anyone to think I am looking for a pity party....I'm not.....I have hit a low and it is much lower than I even want to admit.....my heart is feeling so lost I am trying to get my emotions under control, but it just seems so hard right now!
I am tired...oh so tired.........tired of trying to be happy all the time, tired of waiting, tired of my conflicting thoughts about my faith, tired of trying to believe that everything happens for a reason, tired of hearing it will happen when the time is right..........tired of making others feel better when they tell my they are expecting.....tired of them saying "I'm sorry Michelle"....tired of explaining everything when people ask...but tired of people not asking........tired of the questions in my head....maybe this is the way it is supposed to be....Gods plan....maybe we are not going to have children........maybe I wouldn't be a good Mom maybe that is why it isn't happening because I know that it isn't that Terry wouldn't be a good Dad because he would be the best!!
Tired of watching my parents friends with their Grandchildren and feeling so bad that they don't have that too........tired of questioning if we are doing the right thing...is this the right path......tired of trying to stay sooo busy so I don't have to think about the waiting.....I am so tired!
I actually have this feeling in the pit of my stomach right now that feels like I could just burst and scream and yell......why, what and when..........I know I am not a patient person but seriously....I am so tired of watching every one's lives move forward and ours just standing still.......then I stop myself and think....Michelle wake up!!!! You are so lucky and I know that....I know I have so many wonderful things in my life.....so much to be thankful for.......the majority of this world never gets to experience what I have....the greatest husband, the best family...and so much more!!
I know this is just a low time......I have had them before....I'm sure it is due to the fact that I don't have anything major going on right now.....it is funny my MIL said something on Sunday that was so profound....we were talking about the next step in my "business plan" and she said " so when are you going to do this...because knowing you you will be starting this tomorrow"....lol everyone laughed as did I.....what they don't know is I have to do this right now....I can't sit around and do nothing, I can't coast.....it will make me crazy.....I have to feel like we are at least moving forward in some aspects of ours lives....not necessarily the thing I want to be totally concentrating on right now....but it will have to do......but I need stuff to think about.....stuff to do!
I know this low will pass, just the like the rest have........but God please..I just can't do many more "lows".....
m
I am tired...oh so tired.........tired of trying to be happy all the time, tired of waiting, tired of my conflicting thoughts about my faith, tired of trying to believe that everything happens for a reason, tired of hearing it will happen when the time is right..........tired of making others feel better when they tell my they are expecting.....tired of them saying "I'm sorry Michelle"....tired of explaining everything when people ask...but tired of people not asking........tired of the questions in my head....maybe this is the way it is supposed to be....Gods plan....maybe we are not going to have children........maybe I wouldn't be a good Mom maybe that is why it isn't happening because I know that it isn't that Terry wouldn't be a good Dad because he would be the best!!
Tired of watching my parents friends with their Grandchildren and feeling so bad that they don't have that too........tired of questioning if we are doing the right thing...is this the right path......tired of trying to stay sooo busy so I don't have to think about the waiting.....I am so tired!
I actually have this feeling in the pit of my stomach right now that feels like I could just burst and scream and yell......why, what and when..........I know I am not a patient person but seriously....I am so tired of watching every one's lives move forward and ours just standing still.......then I stop myself and think....Michelle wake up!!!! You are so lucky and I know that....I know I have so many wonderful things in my life.....so much to be thankful for.......the majority of this world never gets to experience what I have....the greatest husband, the best family...and so much more!!
I know this is just a low time......I have had them before....I'm sure it is due to the fact that I don't have anything major going on right now.....it is funny my MIL said something on Sunday that was so profound....we were talking about the next step in my "business plan" and she said " so when are you going to do this...because knowing you you will be starting this tomorrow"....lol everyone laughed as did I.....what they don't know is I have to do this right now....I can't sit around and do nothing, I can't coast.....it will make me crazy.....I have to feel like we are at least moving forward in some aspects of ours lives....not necessarily the thing I want to be totally concentrating on right now....but it will have to do......but I need stuff to think about.....stuff to do!
I know this low will pass, just the like the rest have........but God please..I just can't do many more "lows".....
m
Monday, June 22, 2009
WILL I SURVIVE?!?!?!
So this is it......Grade 8 Grad. 09......will I survive??
I don't know if I have told you before, but this is for me the absolute WORST day of the year!! For any Mom's of Grade 8 graduates this year, head this little piece of advice......your little girl does not want to look 12 today....she actually wants to look 21....and yes me...your wonderful hairstylist... has to deal with, and attempt to make both of you happy!!!
I get that you are footing the bill......but I also get that if I ruin this poor girls day because she looks more like she should be getting baptised than graduating...it will be me that has left a pretty big scar on her teenage years! I for one do NOT want to be responsible for this!!
Seriously there will be no baby's breathe.......there will be no bows or fu fu puffy sleeves.....she does want to wear makeup maybe even a smoky eye....I am a smart person I have been doing this for years.....I will not ever, ever make her look like a trashy 20 year old hooker....this is why you come to me remember......I don't do that to you, so I won't do that to your little girl!
So back off.....I don't need you sitting right beside me watching my every curl and asking me will this stay....honey do you want that higher...do you like it sweetie.....are you sure you want it straight...wouldn't you rather wear it up.....UGHGHGHGHGHGH seriously.....you daughter thinks I am cool we have this figured out...we have chatted, looked at pictures.....I have told her over and over again that she isn't going to hurt my feelings if she tells me she doesn't like it...we will try something else...that is why you came last week for a trial....that was you time to shine with all of your questions...NOT today!!!
Today you sit up front remaining calm....go pick up the corsage.....go buy a pretty grad present and leave the hair up to me......and when we walk out from behind that wall you should smile your best smile and say....."honey you look so great.....it is beautiful"......and for goodness sake DO NOT say she looks cute.......that is the worst........please more for your sake than mine....if you want to have a nice pleasant time with your over-emotional, hormonal teenage daughter, do not say she looks CUTE!!
So now you know what I am doing today.....working....on a Monday....dealing with Mom's of Grade 8 Grads!!!
Happy Monday Everyone!!
m :)
I don't know if I have told you before, but this is for me the absolute WORST day of the year!! For any Mom's of Grade 8 graduates this year, head this little piece of advice......your little girl does not want to look 12 today....she actually wants to look 21....and yes me...your wonderful hairstylist... has to deal with, and attempt to make both of you happy!!!
I get that you are footing the bill......but I also get that if I ruin this poor girls day because she looks more like she should be getting baptised than graduating...it will be me that has left a pretty big scar on her teenage years! I for one do NOT want to be responsible for this!!
Seriously there will be no baby's breathe.......there will be no bows or fu fu puffy sleeves.....she does want to wear makeup maybe even a smoky eye....I am a smart person I have been doing this for years.....I will not ever, ever make her look like a trashy 20 year old hooker....this is why you come to me remember......I don't do that to you, so I won't do that to your little girl!
So back off.....I don't need you sitting right beside me watching my every curl and asking me will this stay....honey do you want that higher...do you like it sweetie.....are you sure you want it straight...wouldn't you rather wear it up.....UGHGHGHGHGHGH seriously.....you daughter thinks I am cool we have this figured out...we have chatted, looked at pictures.....I have told her over and over again that she isn't going to hurt my feelings if she tells me she doesn't like it...we will try something else...that is why you came last week for a trial....that was you time to shine with all of your questions...NOT today!!!
Today you sit up front remaining calm....go pick up the corsage.....go buy a pretty grad present and leave the hair up to me......and when we walk out from behind that wall you should smile your best smile and say....."honey you look so great.....it is beautiful"......and for goodness sake DO NOT say she looks cute.......that is the worst........please more for your sake than mine....if you want to have a nice pleasant time with your over-emotional, hormonal teenage daughter, do not say she looks CUTE!!
So now you know what I am doing today.....working....on a Monday....dealing with Mom's of Grade 8 Grads!!!
Happy Monday Everyone!!
m :)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
blogged out!
I'm not sure what is going on but I am "blogged out"....I just don't have anything to say or write....I'm fresh out of stuff to chat about!! I know this is strange.......considering all the things I hear in a day you would think that I could come up with something.....
Yes I could start into all the prom/grad drama from this year.....for instance the crazy grade 8 mother that wanted to put baby's breath in her poor daughters hair...well I would have none of that....good lord that poor girls social life would be ruined forever...or I could count for you how many times I have seen Carrie Underwood's picture in the last month..."I want my hair exactly like this"....ummhmmm so do I sweetie!!
Or their is the most recent going on.....I have suffered some sort of super annoying joint/muscle spasm pulling injury in my left arm....and then I could give you the really good news.......I'm left handed, but don't worry it only hurts when I actually lift my arm.....no biggie I don't use my left arm much in my job..........?!?!?!?!ughhhh
I guess I could always tell you about the lady that let me apply her color and then decided to tell me she had to meet her friend for lunch in 20 mins.........like hello....I can't just snap my fingers and have this finished women....beauty takes time...so I think your friend might have to wait!!
Then of course their was the soon to be bride that had a complete meltdown in my chair last week........wow she has issues and they were not with her hair.........
The highlight of this week has definitely been the new pair of Grandma shoes that I have had to purchase....yep due to maybe 3 or 4 days of wearing cheap flip flops, the ole arch was starting to head south again......so off to the store that sells the ugliest shoes on the planet I swear, I go......were any of you aware that they now come in "sandal" form.....like toeless and strappy.....believe me they are not as pretty as they sound!!!
So there you have it........I could bore you with all of these minute little tidbits of my week...but I won't.......I will just inform you all that I am "blogged out" for a bit, stay tuned for an interesting hopefully humorous tale soon!!!
Yes I could start into all the prom/grad drama from this year.....for instance the crazy grade 8 mother that wanted to put baby's breath in her poor daughters hair...well I would have none of that....good lord that poor girls social life would be ruined forever...or I could count for you how many times I have seen Carrie Underwood's picture in the last month..."I want my hair exactly like this"....ummhmmm so do I sweetie!!
Or their is the most recent going on.....I have suffered some sort of super annoying joint/muscle spasm pulling injury in my left arm....and then I could give you the really good news.......I'm left handed, but don't worry it only hurts when I actually lift my arm.....no biggie I don't use my left arm much in my job..........?!?!?!?!ughhhh
I guess I could always tell you about the lady that let me apply her color and then decided to tell me she had to meet her friend for lunch in 20 mins.........like hello....I can't just snap my fingers and have this finished women....beauty takes time...so I think your friend might have to wait!!
Then of course their was the soon to be bride that had a complete meltdown in my chair last week........wow she has issues and they were not with her hair.........
The highlight of this week has definitely been the new pair of Grandma shoes that I have had to purchase....yep due to maybe 3 or 4 days of wearing cheap flip flops, the ole arch was starting to head south again......so off to the store that sells the ugliest shoes on the planet I swear, I go......were any of you aware that they now come in "sandal" form.....like toeless and strappy.....believe me they are not as pretty as they sound!!!
So there you have it........I could bore you with all of these minute little tidbits of my week...but I won't.......I will just inform you all that I am "blogged out" for a bit, stay tuned for an interesting hopefully humorous tale soon!!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
3 great years!
In some ways it is hard for me to believe that T and I have been married for 3 years, but in others ways it seems like such a "small" number.....in a very GOOD way it seems like I have known him forever!!
Our wedding was sooo fun, sometimes I wish I could do it again and be a guest....just so I could really take it all in! The sights, the sounds, the food.....oh the food....I really wish I could try some of those appetizers....lol
So fun.........and the good times just keep on coming....here's to 3 great years and many many more!!
m :)
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
......?!?!
Do you ever just have to take a step back, take a deep breath and contemplate what the hell just happened?? Well that has been my whole week.....every time I think things are going to calm down and just be normal, the next absolutely ridiculous thing happens!!
It has been various things really.....a few things at work, which to be honest is normal....someone is always going to call on Tues morning with an ailment...where they catch this stuff I will never know....clients are always going to want me to do them favours, people are always going to lose diamond earrings down the sink.........grade 8 girls mothers are ALWAYS going to drive me over the edge on grad day.......this stuff is normal.......well kind of....but I deal with it.........this week it has been the extra stuff, the few other events that have made me sit back and shake my head in wonder..........what the hell????
I know that we all say things without thinking, it has happened to each and every one of us...me included...I have had to pry my foot out of my mouth many many times....and have felt awful about it....apologized over and over........so I know how bad I feel after something like this happens...does anyone else??? I ask this questions because I have had a few things said to me this week that have been almost unbearable.....yes all adoption/baby related....I am not going to go on and on about each thing here but I will give you a brief description of my week.....
scenario 1- I decided on a whim to run into the children's shop right beside my salon...they just have the cutest things........I wanted to buy a little something for my girlfriends babe...a sophie to be exact(such a great thing for newborns)...I couldn't wait....I was very excited that I was going to be able to introduce this toy to C and J.....so in I walk and I start to look around....yes I am sure I looked like I didn't know where or what I was looking for....to be quite frank I don't go into baby stores that much.....but really I don't think that I needed someone to say to me....."M what are doing in here, you don't have a baby, what would you need in here".....WTH????????? Well thank you for pointing out the obvious you dumb women who by the way is a client and knows my whole story every single detail....how dare she say something so hurtful seriously.....come on......
Now one of two things probably happened after she let that comment fly out of her mouth.....she either felt terrible and embarrassed about what she had said...and if that is the case well I am glad she should, hopefully this will be a lesson to her.........but the other thing that could have happened is she didn't even give it a second thought and went on about her day....basking in the excitement of all the wonderful little gifts and outfits she had just bought for her 4 grandchildren....ahhh I wonder if she even realizes how lucky she is???
So that has been my week so far......I always think it is so amusing how some weeks you just feel bombarded with this type of stuff....and others weeks not one thing is mentioned to you....funny really.....I suppose some reading this will be thinking that I am just being over sensitive and well maybe you are right.....but I guess I am allowed.....just like everyone else....I can't be smiley, happy go lucky nothing bothers me, all the time!
So really for anyone reading this........lets make a pact lets try to remember that golden rule our parents taught so long ago.....think before you speak....I know it is a hard one for me too....but man after all the comments this week I am going to try extra hard......the thought of hurting someone like peoples comments have hurt me this week almost makes me sick to my stomach!!
m :)
It has been various things really.....a few things at work, which to be honest is normal....someone is always going to call on Tues morning with an ailment...where they catch this stuff I will never know....clients are always going to want me to do them favours, people are always going to lose diamond earrings down the sink.........grade 8 girls mothers are ALWAYS going to drive me over the edge on grad day.......this stuff is normal.......well kind of....but I deal with it.........this week it has been the extra stuff, the few other events that have made me sit back and shake my head in wonder..........what the hell????
I know that we all say things without thinking, it has happened to each and every one of us...me included...I have had to pry my foot out of my mouth many many times....and have felt awful about it....apologized over and over........so I know how bad I feel after something like this happens...does anyone else??? I ask this questions because I have had a few things said to me this week that have been almost unbearable.....yes all adoption/baby related....I am not going to go on and on about each thing here but I will give you a brief description of my week.....
scenario 1- I decided on a whim to run into the children's shop right beside my salon...they just have the cutest things........I wanted to buy a little something for my girlfriends babe...a sophie to be exact(such a great thing for newborns)...I couldn't wait....I was very excited that I was going to be able to introduce this toy to C and J.....so in I walk and I start to look around....yes I am sure I looked like I didn't know where or what I was looking for....to be quite frank I don't go into baby stores that much.....but really I don't think that I needed someone to say to me....."M what are doing in here, you don't have a baby, what would you need in here".....WTH????????? Well thank you for pointing out the obvious you dumb women who by the way is a client and knows my whole story every single detail....how dare she say something so hurtful seriously.....come on......
Now one of two things probably happened after she let that comment fly out of her mouth.....she either felt terrible and embarrassed about what she had said...and if that is the case well I am glad she should, hopefully this will be a lesson to her.........but the other thing that could have happened is she didn't even give it a second thought and went on about her day....basking in the excitement of all the wonderful little gifts and outfits she had just bought for her 4 grandchildren....ahhh I wonder if she even realizes how lucky she is???
So that has been my week so far......I always think it is so amusing how some weeks you just feel bombarded with this type of stuff....and others weeks not one thing is mentioned to you....funny really.....I suppose some reading this will be thinking that I am just being over sensitive and well maybe you are right.....but I guess I am allowed.....just like everyone else....I can't be smiley, happy go lucky nothing bothers me, all the time!
So really for anyone reading this........lets make a pact lets try to remember that golden rule our parents taught so long ago.....think before you speak....I know it is a hard one for me too....but man after all the comments this week I am going to try extra hard......the thought of hurting someone like peoples comments have hurt me this week almost makes me sick to my stomach!!
m :)
Monday, June 8, 2009
A Monday Rant!!!
So I'm going to apologize to anyone that does, will or has ever worked as a grocery store cashier....because this little rant might offend you....please do not take this personally this is just my personal experience...one that has frustrated me so much that I feel the need to express my annoyance....whew...wow I almost feel better already and I haven't even told anyone what has p***** me off!!!!
I will paint the picture for you and then you can tell me if I am crazy here........but what the heck has happened to our grocery stores......!?!?!
To start as I enter my grocery store of choice, you know the one closest to your home...has all the things you will ever need food, clothes and home furnishings too.....just so you can rack up your bill even more.......really, come on who can pass up those cute little shoes and the ever important outdoor cushion that just happens to match your decor perfectly....alright so I enter my fav spot and to my surprise everything is changed around.......again, seriously didn't this just happen not even 4 months ago???????? Now I know that this is a marketing strategy, it all makes sense to the bottom line but seriously....I don't have 10 mins to waste looking for the canned tuna..for the second time this year......aghhhhh
Finally I get all my groceries and it is time to checkout.....or checkin to the looney bin.....I haven't actually decided which would be more pleasurable.......so I put my stuff on the belt and the line starts getting longer and longer behind me, I could tell the lady that was literally breathing down my neck was in a bit of a hurry......you know the kind, the lady with 13 items that keeps looking at her watch....and tapping her toes and looking at all my stuff with exasperation......hehe...so it is finally my turn, and the cute little girl says "HI, do you need to purchase any bags today mam"....no NO I don't I said proudly, I actually remembered the 15 canvas bags that I have had to purchase over the last few months so I should be good....okay then lets go...........
This is where my shopping experience really took a turn for the worse.........this little thing was on fire........she was scanning my items like no body's business....I could not keep up.....I was trying to pack as fast as I could and she was making no attempt to help me....which by the way is that a new thing?????.....Does that go with the bring your own bags....the packing on your own too....which would be totally fine except....I can't move that fast I can't pack, pay and have miss rammy pants behind me shoving her cart into my knees.......AGHHHGHGG so annoying.......I was completely stressed out by the time I left, it was like a whirlwind.....my bleach was in the bag with my celery and my Window Cleaner with my chicken....yikes not good....but I could not concentrate...it was crazy...I feel so bad for the people that actually take time to strategically pack their groceries and then route around in their purse for their wallet....you know I was prepared my wallet was out, open ready to pay and I was still overwhelmed....
seriously what is going on.........can someone please enlighten me here...is this the way of the future is this what grocery shopping has come down too....because if so I don't know how I am going to cope!!!! lol
m :)
I will paint the picture for you and then you can tell me if I am crazy here........but what the heck has happened to our grocery stores......!?!?!
To start as I enter my grocery store of choice, you know the one closest to your home...has all the things you will ever need food, clothes and home furnishings too.....just so you can rack up your bill even more.......really, come on who can pass up those cute little shoes and the ever important outdoor cushion that just happens to match your decor perfectly....alright so I enter my fav spot and to my surprise everything is changed around.......again, seriously didn't this just happen not even 4 months ago???????? Now I know that this is a marketing strategy, it all makes sense to the bottom line but seriously....I don't have 10 mins to waste looking for the canned tuna..for the second time this year......aghhhhh
Finally I get all my groceries and it is time to checkout.....or checkin to the looney bin.....I haven't actually decided which would be more pleasurable.......so I put my stuff on the belt and the line starts getting longer and longer behind me, I could tell the lady that was literally breathing down my neck was in a bit of a hurry......you know the kind, the lady with 13 items that keeps looking at her watch....and tapping her toes and looking at all my stuff with exasperation......hehe...so it is finally my turn, and the cute little girl says "HI, do you need to purchase any bags today mam"....no NO I don't I said proudly, I actually remembered the 15 canvas bags that I have had to purchase over the last few months so I should be good....okay then lets go...........
This is where my shopping experience really took a turn for the worse.........this little thing was on fire........she was scanning my items like no body's business....I could not keep up.....I was trying to pack as fast as I could and she was making no attempt to help me....which by the way is that a new thing?????.....Does that go with the bring your own bags....the packing on your own too....which would be totally fine except....I can't move that fast I can't pack, pay and have miss rammy pants behind me shoving her cart into my knees.......AGHHHGHGG so annoying.......I was completely stressed out by the time I left, it was like a whirlwind.....my bleach was in the bag with my celery and my Window Cleaner with my chicken....yikes not good....but I could not concentrate...it was crazy...I feel so bad for the people that actually take time to strategically pack their groceries and then route around in their purse for their wallet....you know I was prepared my wallet was out, open ready to pay and I was still overwhelmed....
seriously what is going on.........can someone please enlighten me here...is this the way of the future is this what grocery shopping has come down too....because if so I don't know how I am going to cope!!!! lol
m :)
things I am most thankful for.....#10
good friends
not much more to say....I am so lucky to have them..... I'm glad they are in my life...some I have known for years some have come into my life more recently...they make life so much fun, give so much support.....I can't imagine a life without good friends!!!
m :)
not much more to say....I am so lucky to have them..... I'm glad they are in my life...some I have known for years some have come into my life more recently...they make life so much fun, give so much support.....I can't imagine a life without good friends!!!
m :)
Saturday, June 6, 2009
things I am crazy about today...
1. pink lady apples
2. creativity
3. braids
4. true friendships
5. helping others not hurting others
2. creativity
3. braids
4. true friendships
5. helping others not hurting others
Thursday, June 4, 2009
"That many had traveled farther and done so in finer style bothered me none. My journey was my own and I found it to be quite spectacular." ....who said that...I'm not sure...but I think it applies...you are having your own unique, spectacular journey...and the result will be magnificent!
This is a comment I received today from a fellow blogger.....THANK-YOU for this....just what I needed!
Everyone's words of support and encouragement have been so....oh I don't even know what to say just awesome and amazing.....THANK-YOU EVERYONE!!!
m:)
This is a comment I received today from a fellow blogger.....THANK-YOU for this....just what I needed!
Everyone's words of support and encouragement have been so....oh I don't even know what to say just awesome and amazing.....THANK-YOU EVERYONE!!!
m:)
cottage....before and after pics....
I have had some fellow blogging friends asking me to post some before and after pics of the cottage...so here they are!! We still have a ton of work to do in the backyard....gardening is going to be my new hobby....haha.....still have a huge learning curve to get through there!!
We are really enjoying the place so far....now all we are waiting for is some nice summer weather...so we can get those lounge chairs and a drink out that I have been promising T for the past 8 weeks.....lol..
We are really enjoying the place so far....now all we are waiting for is some nice summer weather...so we can get those lounge chairs and a drink out that I have been promising T for the past 8 weeks.....lol..
it has been tons of work...but so worth it!!!
m :)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”
— Bob Moawad
via just lia
— Bob Moawad
via just lia
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