jan update.....

Well it is January...almost the end of the month. There is just the tiniest bit of snow falling as I look out our back window...falling on the white landscape....funny how pretty it looks when you are all cozy inside!!

This has been a month of ups and downs for us.....ups when we are thinking about our winter vacation on the horizon...ups when we are together chatting about our plans for the summer...dreaming of deck plans...downs when we are in between different adoption opportunities...now to say opportunities is maybe too strong of a word to use for what has been happening lately but it does make one feel like they are on some sort of crazed roller coaster.....this being the upside and downside of internet adoption sites.....almost bi-weekly we have an inquiry from a woman that is expecting or her daughter might be expecting....they either contact us by email or call my cell....I can't count how many hours I have spent talking, sometimes counselling women, or writing back and forth.....only for things to just end with no explanation.....the odd time our social worker might find out the conclusion...which has so far always ended up with the woman deciding to parent their child....again we have no problem with that....it is just the up and down of it all........

I wish I could say that my stomach doesn't do a flip flop, everytime I see an email come through on our exclusive adoption email account....I try not to think about any of it....I try so hard but it is impossible.....after a few emails or conversation....you are sucked in....you know their story....you care about them.....I can honestly say that I still think about each and every one of them.....just every once in awhile they pop into my head and I wonder how they are doing.......I start to care about them...and hope that everything has worked out.......

Yes this is frustrating....I can't even think of a positive send off here...and I do always try to find an upside....but I'm tired, worn-out with this whole thing.....
m

made it!

.........ahhh I made it!!!

I have to say there were definitely times I thought that I would not survive 2010....I know that that sounds so dramatic but I honestly thought that........I know that my troubles compared to many other peoples are very minimal....I know that I have tons of things to be thankful for, but 2010 hopefully will go down as one of the most exhausting...emotionally for me......I realize that there will be years that things are very very rough....and I know that we will get through them...I guess that is what all these experiences in life teach you...that you will survive...with the people surrounding you that love you, supporting you....keeping you going!!! Thank goodness for them........

Tonight is the first night of the year 2011.....a new beginning, a new chapter....clean slate......a crisp white blank sheet of paper to start fresh on.....who knows what this book will read in one years time....I am hopeful still that things will be as we hope at this moment....one never knows....my biggest wish for this year is that we will find peace for whatever is to be...that we will have less anger........fewer tears........and by this night next year we will have found peace with what is to be...

"If things are not as you wish, wish them as they are." Yiddish Proverb

m
xo