Sunday, September 19, 2010

keep on or move on???

So for some reason tonight, I checked my blog....I have done some writing, actually lots of writing over the last month and a half, but never posted...it just didn't feel right. However tonight for the first time, I looked, I saw that it had been Aug. 6th since I had last made a post. I would love to tell you that life is wonderful, we are great...everything is back to normal we are happy as clams....but I can't, I can not lie.......

We are fine, we really are. We are very much okay with how everything turned out with our failed match..that is not a problem. We have absolutely no anger or nasty feelings toward N or B...we both truly feel that this is the only way they knew how to handle the situation and truly hope that everything works out for them and those wonderful children...actually I wish I could communicate with N and tell her that.......

I would love to sit here and tell you how great life was, because really it is totally awesome....we are building a new house, our businesses are booming...we, (I think anyways) are better together everyday..and the first day was pretty great so everyday after that is just a huge bonus....life is good....but I do think for both of us something is still missing.....for me, I want to be a Mom...but more importantly I want "T" to be a Dad...because he would be the best....seriously, I think it is actually an injustice to the world if he isn't........I can see why they might pass me by, but "T" come on...you have to let a wonderful little being spend his or her life with him...learn from him, see how he handles things...feel and experience his love...his knowledge...his everything....

I don't know how this is all going to turn out, I do know that in the next few weeks we will have to make some decisions.....we have always said that at the 2 year mark we will have to sit down and figure this out....limbo land is not one that is fun to be in........so will we keep on, or will we move on..........I just don't know?

m

3 comments:

H said...

I am SO glad to hear from you! I've been praying for you and wondering how you are!

Of course, you are the only ones who know whether or not you should stay on this journey. Every couple has their own set of problems and reasons and circumstances that go into deciding whether or not they can/should continue in the adoption process.

However...

From everything you say, God hasn't taken away your desire to be a mom...or your husband's desire to be a dad. And everyone doesn't have it.

Maybe it's not now...maybe it's not through adoption. But I'm praying God shows you very clearly what you should do.

Again, good to have you back!:)

Sheila's 2010 Adventures said...

Having been friends with you since we were itty bitty - there is one thing I know for sure - and that is that you will make an awesome mom! Just remember that my friend!

Anonymous said...

Great to see you back...
I hope you decide to keep on keeping on...it's so worth it in the end, and Michelle, you don't want to wake up in 2 years and regret not sticking it out. You WILL get your baby...you just have to be prepared to wait a bit longer.