Sunday, May 31, 2009

288.....

I don't know why I calculated this number today.....I hate adding, anyone that knows me well knows I hate anything to do with numbers. For some reason today though I decided that I needed to know....I needed to know the exact number......

I have done this once before in my life.......when I was in Grade 11 I did an Spanish Exchange program...I spent 3 months living with a family in Valencia Spain.....I know what you are all thinking....oh my how lucky...what a wonderful experience...and you are correct....I was very lucky, very fortunate to have this amazing chance and see what life was like in a different country...what it was like to live with another family and of course to learn a new language.....what sucked was...I WAS HOMESICK.....VERY VERY homesick.....uggg when I think of that time I am so disappointed in myself because I wasted my 3 months there worrying about going home and how long it would be until I got home....instead of enjoying the moments I was having.....anyways back to how this relates to my mathematical challenge I did today....
When I was in Spain I was so distraught that I actually figured out the exact amount of minutes...yes you read that right I calculated the minutes that I had to spend there.....I had it all laid out(graph form) in the back of my diary....which I still have by the way....I had the weeks, the days and the minutes all calculated...and I would tick them off day by day..agonizing about how many days and minutes I had left......I know very strange....

So today I got to thinking about our adoption.....about everything that has happened since our homestudy was finished....since we have been "waiting".....I started this blog, I have made some wonderful new friends through the blogging community, my girlfriend has had her baby...a beautiful baby boy, it feels like all my friends have become pregnant(I know that can't be true but after this week that is how it feels) and some have had babies....we have been busy creating a summer getaway spot to enjoy...we both have continued to better our businesses....and many other great things have happened over the course of waiting period thus far.....and then I thought......how long has it actually been.....for some reason today I needed to know the exact number of days.........

So the counting began......288.....that is the number.......wow....did I really think 288 days ago that it would take this long, I don't think so......back 288 days ago I was so naive....thinking that things would happen so quickly.....at that time I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach at the thought of maybe having a baby by Christmas time.....and then Christmas passed and I thought for sure my best girlfriend and I would be sharing the "newborn" experience together....well that has come and gone also....and now I have stopped imagining, I just won't let myself be disappointed again....so today I ask myself, what have I learned in the past 288 days??

Well I have learned that everything happens for a reason.....I have had many of those moments in the last 288 days....I think in many ways I have become a much more patient person.....and I do believe that whatever the amount of time we wait has a purpose.....God has a reason for this "waiting" time...obviously something just isn't quite right yet...we still have some things to do....and I truly believe this....this will happen when it is supposed to.....so instead of looking at that number and feeling sad I am going to look at that number and be thankful for this time that we have had as a couple, we have had a wonderful 288 days.....and even better we have had 288 more days to prepare ourselves to be the best parents we can be, when the time is right!

m:)

Friday, May 29, 2009

things I am most thankful for.....#9

Today I was shopping in my local dollar store and literally bumped into a man in a wheel chair....our particular dollar store like most is super crowded with more bargains than one could ever imagine....simply walking down the aisle poses some difficulties on the best of days....so as I was looking at all the cool kitchen gadgets I took a step back without looking first and bumped into the gentleman's wheel chair.....I felt bad and clumsy for not looking first before moving but he was fine and said don't worry about it.....

He continued on his way down the aisle trying his best to manoeuvre around all the treasures in the store....as I watched him I looked into his eyes and saw such sadness there.....I can't imagine his frustration...the frustration that he faces everyday.....just doing the simplest of tasks must be so challenging.....I have no idea what has happened in his life........was he born with this disability or was he in an accident at some point and has been wheel chair bound ever since??

As I watched him turn the corner to start down the next aisle, I had a wave of sadness come over me...and than I knew what my next most thankful thing would be......my body and my health......now when I say my body I don't mean how fat or skinny I am how I look in a bikini or not....I just mean the simple fact that everyday I am lucky enough to have all my limbs working...I am able to do everything and anything physical that I wish.....you know there are so many people in this world that don't have that option......they struggle everyday!!!
Here I am worrying about what workout I will do next so maybe I will get my legs toned for a nice new pair of shorts this season.........give me a break.....just the fact that I have the option to workout is such a gift.......

so that is number #9.......my body and my health something no one should ever take for granted!! Thank-You to that special man that I bumped into today for making me remember this!!

m:)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

things I am thankful for....#8


I received a wonderful surprise yesterday at work.......T sent me some beautiful gerber daisies...ahh so sweet! T is gone on business for a few days this week, and of course this would be the week that I have had so me major ups and downs...well lets be honest.....downs! I do love my job but sometimes there is just a bit too much chatter.......and this weeks topic has been about babies, having babies carrying babies....everything baby........seriously it feels like I am swimming in a sea full of pregnant women and women with new babies.......

Now this post is not to make any women in my life with new babies feel bad...or sad or guilty...I love the new babies and soon to be babies that have arrived or will be here soon in my immediate circle....but as I have said before sometimes it just gets to be too much for me. It has been very overwhelming this week.....I guess the nature of my job is such that you hear all the good news that is floating around out there, and of course I always have a huge smile on my face so people can't wait to tell me about all their tales..........and this week I swear every client has a daughter or a niece or they themselves are expecting.....even a client that is in her late 40s who I never ever thought would blurt out that news.....well BAM yesterday she was sitting in my chair and said "guess what....we are having a baby in Sept"..........?!?!?!

So as you can see this is a bit of a pity party post......sometimes this stuff just rolls of my back and I am totally fine with all the news..and can easily and honestly tell people when they feel guilty about sharing their news with me, that it is fine.....don't feel bad, our situation is different blah blah blah......but this week I have had some stuff that has been hard to swallow...it has been super exhausting always being the person the has to make the other feel better, when I really just needed someone to make me feel better.......however in the end it was nothing that a good cry and some pretty gerber daisies couldn't help! lol

So that is my #8.....gerber daisies, but most of all having someone that cares that much in my life!

m :)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

a year goes by.....


It is hard for me to believe that a year has gone by since my Grandmother passed away.....May 30th 2008.....I won't forget that day, or the couple of weeks leading up to that day. As my entire family stayed with her as she took the last steps of her journey here on earth!

I was reminded of my Grandmother last Friday night as I curled up in the quilt that she made for me. T asked "is that a quilt that you saved from the cottage" and I immediately said NO my other Grandma gave this to me, she made a quilt for each of us. I don't know if any of the others have received their's yet...as it was Grandma's desire to give the quilts as a wedding gift. I reminisced with T about how my Grandmother always had a quilt on the go....all laid out on the dining room table....I was always fascinated by all the squares of fabric, and how she would painstakingly put it all together!

It really is amazing how as we age our memories of our childhood start to resurface and somehow mean so much......or is it because she is gone now....that I remember and wish I could chat with her now......I wonder...ahhh why didn't I get her to teach me more about gardening...or quilting or sewing....darn....all of these things seem important now.....but at the time when she would have been so excited for me to ask for her help....I was too busy being a teenager and a young adult that I guess had better things to do than spend time with her.

I won't pretend that we were ever that close...........for some reason that relationship never blossomed like some. I have friends that I have always envied because they had super close ties with their Grandmas....mine was not like that! I suppose we are all too blame......but that is the way it was........
I am trying to learn from that because it is now a regret.........but luckily I still have time to nurture the relationships I have with my other Grandmother and Grandfather..........I will say though, they have tough shells to crack....private and not the lovey dovey Grandparents you see in our favortite sitcoms and movies....but I will keep trying....so much to learn from them and I don't want to miss a beat!!

Here's to a wonderful women.....my Grandmother.... and for all the lessons she continues on giving me everyday!
m :)

Monday, May 25, 2009

things I am most thankful for.....#7

This past weekend T and I went to my Mom's church in the village where the cottage is. I was overwhelmed by the thoughtful, kind words we received from so many in her congregation. It is amazing the people you will meet in your lifetime.....some in just the first meeting will mean so much! So many of the people that I met on Sunday gave us such warm kind words of encouragement and welcome.....

For this I am truly grateful.........I am so lucky to have many people like this in my life.....some are family members, some are dear friends, some acquaintances....if more people in this world lead their lives with thoughtful, kind compassion towards everyone they met like the ones I met on Sunday...wow what a world this would be!!

So that is number #7 for me.......to the wonderful folks I met on Sunday and everyone out there that strives to be kind, thoughtful...supportive and gracious....everyday!

m:)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

things I am most thankful for.....#6


Beautiful sun shiny days........it is absolutely gorgeous here today....couldn't be better......ahhhhh I am so thankful for days like these!!!!
have a good one!
m :)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

how lucky you are.....

Today I have been feeling super annoyed....I just can't believe the way some people talk?? It baffles me........now I know that until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really don't know what another person's life is really like........but honestly sometimes........people amaze me!!!

I get that I don't have kids and that maybe I just don't understand.........but come on.......your children are a blessing...no matter how you did it...whether you have been fortunate enough to have your children naturally, you have adopted...........whatever............you are SO LUCKY........so please do not say out loud, in the presence of your children that they are a pain and if you had known this was how it was going to be you wouldn't have done this.........or the ever popular "I would think about this M before you do this whole adoption thing, because if I had to do it again I would never have any children....your life as far as I'm concerned is perfect"...........

I have had a few things come up today that seem to be following this same theme........and quite frankly it makes me nausea's that people would say such things about their children......I guess you are right.......I just don't understand????????????

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

things I am thankful for.....#5

This weekend was so much fun....a long weekend and actually a long weekend for T and I....we both took the extra day this year which we don't always do, so I actually feel rested and relaxed which is so awesome!
We had a wonderful weekend up at the "cottage", man that still feels really strange to say out loud.....crazy..... it sounds way to grown up or something for me to be saying...I hope no one gets the wrong idea when I say that word because it is really a cottage cottage nothing fancy....seriously....anyways back to the point of this thankful blog...which actually has nothing to do with the "cottage"...lol

So the next thing I am thankful for is my relationship with my sister in-law. I really have no idea if she reads this blog....if she does, I am sure she may be surprised by this!
I just love that I have been able to get to know her so well and am very grateful for our relationship. She and her family came up for a visit this weekend and after they left I said to T that I was so lucky to have a sister in-law like her(and I have had a few from a previous relationship, so I feel that I can be a good judge of sister in-law character) lol lol!
Seriously though, we get along great....have some of the same interests...think similarly about many things...I really like spending time with her, and know that if I needed something, advice etc I could always talk to her....as well as T, I know we have chatted before about this is he too feels very close to her....and knows that we could always count on her and her family!

I think the fact that I have been doing her hair for almost the entire time I have known T has really made a difference in our relationship......we have spent 2 hours together every 6 weeks which has given us tons of one on one time that we may not have had otherwise!

So that is #5 on my thankful list....here's to a great sister in-law!!!

m:)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

things I am most thankful for.....#4

I was reading my Aunts blog yesterday and she was talking about a comment my Mom had made about one of my posts not to long ago....(go here if you would like to read the post)


"Perhaps if you would take this one step further and realize that the only One we are really responsible to is... God...not humankind at all... then the rest comes much more naturally and easily. God is the One who ultimately forgives us and loves us despite our mistakes. When I finally got my head around that then living this life has been one of happiness despite my continuing to make lots of mistakes and be hurt from time to time. Life is such a blessing and not to be wasted for even a moment." Love, Mom

This brought me to the next thing on my list that I am most thankful for....my faith........I feel so blessed that I was brought up in a family that has tremendous faith...we were always taught how important it was to have it and if nothing else, that faith would get us through the most uncomfortable, hard times............now I know there have been times my faith has faltered, sometimes I will admit it is stronger than others...but it is always there.....it is always ultimately the thing I turn to in my darkest moments....believing that everything will turn out as it is supposed to because I have faith....

I am so fortunate to have people in my life that keep reminding me how important having faith and trusting in God really is!


M:)



Tuesday, May 12, 2009

things I am most thankful for.....#3

This morning I was saying to T that I was anticipating a really crazy stressful week at work....I was dreading it really....I wasn't sure how I was going to pull it off!!! I was imagining the worst...arriving to work and within minutes the questions would start.......could this client do this, could I have this day off, this sale rep wants you to call him back......yikes sometimes it just overwhelms me..........and then I had an instant inner reality check........



WOW I suddenly realized mid complaint.........how lucky I am to have a job.......to have a business...to have wonderful clients......to have great staff to work with everyday.......thanks to all of these things I get to enjoy so many wonderful things everyday......nothing too extravagant.....just great day to day things........that SO many people never ever get to enjoy!!!



So today I am thankful for my job, my career...and all the wonderful things that go along with it.....all day even in the most frustrating of moments I have been reminding myself how lucky I truly am to be able to work hard at the career I choose and most of all the career that I love.

m :)

Monday, May 11, 2009

things I am thankful for....#2

okay so today I went into the dreaded area of my closet that contains my summer clothing....hmmpph....you know, we are getting to that time of year again......time to bring the old arms and legs out...and if you have been following my blog for anytime at all you will know how I feel about my legs.......not good...not a good scene and no, much to my dismay they haven't wintered well.........

so I started the torturous job of trying on all of my summer stuff and started to assess the situation....what we can use and what we can't..........I figure now that we are going to be "beachin it" I might just as well get over myself and get some shorts and tanks and some more "swimmers"......oh brother.......I think I might just have to show my upper leg this year..........

or maybe not..............I have decided that will not be happening once again....no way, no how... never..........these legs are just hideous...........they have not got any better even though we have donned the support hose for 3 months this winter to combat the varicose vein issue......even though we have probably done up to 10,000 squats since Christmas.........no they don't look better.....they might even look worse than the last time I laid eyes on them....at least last Sept when I was waving goodbye to these bad boys they had a bit of colour.......aghhhhh :)

so let me get to my point...........the second thing that I am most thankful for is the CAPRIS PANT......ahhhh the greatest invention......the long short...the peddle pusher, the capris whatever you call them....I love them........they have enabled me to join the "summer lovin" crowd......show my calf but not my knee.........they are just great.........I have many many pairs....in an array of colour choices..........and they have been my saviour, for the past 8 years of so.........I seriously don't know what I will do if they go out of style.........lol lol


so there you have it........#2 THE CAPRIS PANT.....(my most thankful things are in no particular order...haha)

happy monday everyone
m:)

Friday, May 8, 2009

things I am thankful for.....#1

One of my fellow blogging buddies has just finished doing a round of documenting 30 things she is most thankful for!!! I got to thinking what a great idea........I know that I sometimes...more often than I care to admit....take things for granted....I worry about the small shit and don't really think about all the wonderful things that I have in my life........so I thought I would try to complete this challenge of sorts........now the challenge will not be finding 30 things I am thankful for it will be documenting them all........now my friend did one a day for 30 days........well you all witnessed the whole pic a day for 365 days went for me.....so I'm not going to pressure myself with this.............I will post as often as I can.....:)


So my first thing I am most thankful for is my husband.........I know sappy sappy but really, I would be a mess without him........geezzzz he really keeps things together around here.....he has made my life so complete...........he is my best friend and I can't imagine life without him. I know when things are not going just as I want them too or I am having a really rough day.......the thing that gets me through is knowing that I get to come home and be with him.....he grounds me and somehow makes things look brighter and better every time!!!


For all the shit that I has happened in my life.......at times I never thought I would get through it, but when I look at my husband it all seems worth it..........if not for all of those experiences I would never have had the chance to meet "T" and would never had the relationship I have now......


So the first thing I am most thankful for is, of course........."T"!!!!

m:)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

photo op....

Just thought I would share a few of the pics that I took of my girlfriends new baby boy........he was such a good sport the poor thing.......he had 2 women poking and prodding him all afternoon....I guess it was good training for the rest of his life...his first lesson...women are always going to nag at you....lol lol...I hope I didn't traumatize him too much....











Tuesday, May 5, 2009

tagged....

So I have been tagged.....my cousin J tagged me a few days ago.......so here goes....

1.What’s your current obsession? almond butter on rice cakes...this too shall pass....

2. What’s your weirdest obsession? hmmm this is tough I am always obsessed with something and it is ever changing...I think T would say they are all weird.

3. What are you wearing today? jeans, black hoody and a hat...its Monday....(well when I wrote this it was Monday...it is now Tues night and I am in comfy pants and a tank...)

4. Why is today special? today was special for a number of reasons, I spent the morning at the cottage just fiddling around....had a really nice lunch with my Mom and then had a wonderful visit with a my girlfriend and her new baby....then home to have dinner with my husband...what could be better....(today was special too....I had an extra day off so that of course made it extra special.....had my hair done...that is major in my life....haven't had it done since Oct....YIKES and I call myself a hairstylist......had a little photo op with my girlfriend and her new baby...so fun...so yeah today was special too)

5. What would you like to learn to do? right now I would love to know how to sew...I'm thinking slipcovers and cushions......but really I am always wishing I knew how to do something better....

6. What’s the last thing you bought? groceries for dinner

7. What are you listening to right now? the climb by that billy guys daughter....love the song just can't remember her name....

8. What’s your favorite weather? the first days of fall....the arms and legs get to be put away for another season...thank goodness.....

9. What’s your most challenging goal right now? learning to be more patient...uggghhh

10. What do you think about the person who tagged you? love her obviously....she is like a little sister to me....

11. What's your favorite guilty pleasure? rubber candy.....jujubes, licorice whatever you've got

12. Favorite vacation spot? anywhere relaxing with T

13. What would you like to have in your hands right now? licorice.......

14. What would you like to get rid of? the sad feeling I sometimes get when I think about our future with or without children.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? hmmm I'm really happy right here thanks....

16.Which language do you want to learn? I think I would like to perfect my Spanish

17.What super power would you like to possess? super power....well I'm not sure this is a super power, but I would love to be able to take away the emotional pain that so many endure....

18. What’s your favorite thing about the city you live in? hmmm the shopping the restaurants...the fact that I can go out and not run into 15 people that I know.....in saying that there are things that I miss about small town living...

19.What’s your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet? this great stretchy things that help hold my jeans up without a belt....oh that sounds really odd but they are great really.....if anyone has a big gap in the waist of their pants all the time..these are a lifesaver.....lol

20. What’s your dream job? for the most part I think I'm doing it?

21. If you had $150 now what would you spend it on? someone to come and help me with the gardens at the cottage....

22. Do you admire anyone’s style? oh this took me a bit....but there is this women that comes into my salon and she has the best style....just really put together, current......ahhh love it!

23.Describe your personal style?....boring....classic...I don't really know....you guys might have to help me with this one....

24. If you had to slap one person with no repercussions, who would it be and why? any person that compares themselves to me.....so so dumb...I hate that.....don't compare just do what makes you happy...we are all different......

25. What are you most proud of? ohh gosh so many things and so many people....first off my parents...for raising such lovely children...haha.....no really my parents...my family....my husband....my husbands family...myself....my staff.....lots and lots of people make me very proud.

26. If you could choose one person who has passed to have lunch with who would it be and why? My Grandfather that passed away when my Dad was young....I imagine him a certain way...and I would love to chat with him...I often think about how our family might be different if he had been around.

27. What makes you the most angry at yourself? well there are a few things...this rarely happens but when I don't exercise, that just makes a good day go downhill fast.....when I am agitated at home or at work....that's never a good scene.....most of all when I let little things people do or say to me upset me.......

28. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? haha that's easy.....my absolutely god awful...hideous stumps that some might refer to as my legs.....:)

so at the end of this you are supposed to tag 7 other blogs that you enjoy reading...well I love you all seriously everyone I read I love...sooooo... I am just going to say if you are reading this.......consider yourself TAGGED!!!

m:)

Monday, May 4, 2009

stage #2

So we have had a crazy busy weekend..the interior painting is pretty much done...so we moved in..... and we had our first sleepover at the cottage.........ahhh soooooooo exciting....it was great!!!!

Here are some pics from the weekend.......


our first dinner at the cottage.....some greasy fries and foot longs....well that's what they had not me...lol..........my parents came to help with the big cleanup....Mom made that floor shine!!!
so we didn't have our bed set up yet.....so our first sleepover was spent on the couches....


T and his Mom taking a break......


okay here we go.....finally got the mess cleaned up........there is still a bunch to do but it is getting there.........


the little bedroom.....I hope no one ever sleeps in there...I don't ever want to have to make those darn beds again.......my goodness I never knew what a challenge those were to make!!! haha
my grandfathers old trunk.......he built this trunk to bring all his belongings back to Canada after being in France where he was an Air Force Minister.....love it!!


our bedroom....



and the living room........

So as I said lots left to do......we are both sick of manual labour...lol...especially T...........as I have said before, we are not the handy type....but we are giving it our all on this project!! WOW this whole DIY stuff is really overrated.....lol

m:)