Friday, October 26, 2012

4am!

It's 4am and I am wide awake!

Thinking!
Worrying!!

Surprise Surprise!

grrrrrrrrrr this really pisses me off!

and to top if off,  I'm hungry...so what is going to happen next...I'm going to grab a snack which I don't need,  and as I tear open the package of something sinfully junky, I'm going to wake little D which will wake Mr T....and then I am going to have to admit what I'm worried about. All bad bad bad!!

Ok on second thought to avoid the extra pounds and the screaming babe and the "chat" about the worry...I'm going to attempt to sneak back into bed...unnoticed, still hungry...and just worry in a horizontal position.

Wish me luck!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My 39th Year!!!!

Tomorrow I turn 38!! How did this happen...my mind still feels like it is in its mid to late twenties...but when I look in the mirror I can see all 38 years, grey hair, tiny lines starting to form around my eyes...and when I look at twenty somethings now...oh my, I can see the difference. I think it is officially time for me to stop shopping at Forever 21!?!?
I have to say I have been so incredibly lucky. My years have been wonderful...exciting, happy times!

This is what I have learned in my 38 years!

1- there is nothing more rewarding than working hard and fulfilling a dream

2- watch what you say with passion, it will usually come back and bite you in the ass

3- friends will change, your family won't

4- learning a healthy way of living is more important then being a size 2

5- life is rough, wear a helmet!

6- always tell the truth, it truly will set you free

7- have faith...whatever you choose to believe in, believe in it with all your heart! Some day faith may be the only thing that you have to get you through!

8- having a positive attitude can save your life

9- be grateful for everyday...each one is a gift

10- the love you can have for your child is like no other

So here I am embarking on my 39th year! I think I will enjoy these next couple of days to the fullest...doing everything with complete heart and soul....grateful for all things in my life big and small....looking ahead with wonderful, excited anticipation!

m
xo

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

~curious: a question about our adoption~

Someone asked me a question the other day. The question I think is one that many people have, some might be to afraid to ask, but this woman asked and I'm glad she did. She had been thinking about this question for some time, she just wasn't sure what the answers would be and this worried her...she needed the answer, and I am so glad that she had the courage to ask me.
Her question came in 2 parts....first "Do you have any contact with D's birth mom?" The answer to this question is yes we do have some contact. The day that we brought D home I started a private blog that only myself, T, J(D's birth mom) and one of J's best friends can see. I post pictures from time to time and we comment away to each other every so often. The comments are light..."oh she is getting so big", "so cute" etc etc. Also every 5-6 months we have got into a pattern of emailing each other. J is a very sweet young woman, very kind and sincere. On Mothers Day and Father's Day she sent both T and I the sweetest emails, and as a matter of fact just this morning I awoke to an email from J. Just a touching base kind of email. Which I am so glad that we continue. I always want to have contact with J. We don't know what the future holds whether our relationship will become stronger, including visits or telephone conversations or maybe it will just stay as it is. But I want some contact with her always for little D's sake...if D has questions that I just can't answer I want to feel comfortable enough to contact J about them.

This brings me to the second part of this sweet woman's question. "Aren't you afraid that if you keep talking to her, that she will take her back?" I know that many people don't entirely understand adoption, and may think this...let me set things straight...this is NOT possible, D is our child in every sense of the way. Until D is 18 years old she is going to have to put up with us! Now that doesn't mean that we won't see J, or at least talk with her lots...D might even spend lots of time with her over the years....but never ever can J "take" her away...which by the way, she would never ever want to do.
It actually is so funny to me that people still think that birth parents can come back and take their children away from adoptive couples...yes maybe years ago, or in the movies...I don't know maybe at one point in time that did happen. It doesn't now....once the appropriate time has passed and court orders are signed this just can't happen.
It even becomes more comical to me, because I know and talk with many birth moms and here is the thing....they do not make their decisions lightly....it isn't like one day they wake up and say....geesh I think I might as well choose adoption....yeah that sounds good today we will do that!! These amazing women put so much thought and emotion and time into their decisions...at least the birth mothers that I have ever had contact with this is how it has been. J spent hours preparing herself emotionally for this adoption. She tirelessly researched how she would feel before, during and after....she did not make this decision lightly. I was always so impressed with her throughout the whole process and still to this day....Do I think that there are times J wishes she made a different decision...NO honestly I can say that as much as I know her I don't think that at all. I think she thinks about D everyday....probably some days more than once...I know I think about J everyday, so I would expect that she thinks about us. However I know that she made this decision with her heart overflowing with love for D...she knew this was what was right for her and D...we are just the amazing lucky, fortunate couple that she choose to get to raise this wonderful little girl!!

So to answer this woman's question, I politely told her the facts and also tried to ease her mind about J...J is probably the most mature young woman I have ever met...she gave us the most amazing gift...and for that I will be forever grateful. More then that though she is D's birth mother...D's blood, she is going to become a much more important part of our life as time goes on...I have always said there can never ever be too many people to love a child. We will welcome J into our family when and if she wants that...we are so thankful that we are all working at keeping the lines of communication open between us and take everyday as it comes.



Sunday, October 14, 2012

I Worry!!

I WORRY!

I am worried!!

I am a worrier!!!

I am always worried about something...well I guess that is not true, for about 4 days 2 weeks ago I actually said to myself...M you don't have butterflies in your stomach...you are actually totally worryfree right now...ahhh it was the best....but short short lived!!!

So here it is the lowdown the list, the facts...have I told you I love lists...I am a worrier that loves lists...so why wouldn't I write a list of what I am worried about!! Makes perfect sense to me!!!

1- Right now for some reason I am very worried about explaining little D's birthstory to her....I am worried that she will be sad, I am worried we won't explain it right...won't explain it early enough....or we will start talking to soon....will she be angry, will she be distant, will she be ok...my stomach is in knots about it...I know she will have all of those emotions, and they are all ok and normal...I just want to do the right thing for her, so I worry!

2- We have weddings coming up in our family...and with weddings you have drama...I am worried about the drama...people are sad, people are happy, people are angry, people are frustrated and then there are people like me, trying to stay neutral...but I worry....I worry that both days will be the best days they can be for those beautiful blushing brides...how can I make this better for them...I worry!

3- I worry about my new business...was this the right time...will it be successful....will the amazing team I hired be satisfied and love us just as much as we love them...will this make the income I hope for, for my family...I worry!

4- We need our roof done at our cottage...I worry...(ok T I hope you read that one...call the roofing company already!!!!!!! lol)

5- Life changes once you have a baby...no one can prepare you for this...you can talk to a zillion people about it but you will have NO idea until it happens....it changes how you think, it changes your relationships...you are happy, but tired, stressed...it changes your marriage...am I taking enough time with T, do we need to have more dates, more chats...I worry!

6- I am going to be a bridesmaid in June....will the dresses be short....I worry!!! haha that is just a joke but secretly GAWD I hope I don't have to show these god awful knees...hehe

7- My Dad, my Mom...I worry!

8- Should I make sensory bins, is D watching too much TV...to much Barney not enough reading time...is my patience wearing thin too much...am I doing a good job as a Mom...oh man I worry!

9- I have bad teeth...once I had 8 cavaties in 1 visit....so you can imagine...am I flossing enough, brushing long enough...with the right brush...ughghhhg I worry!

10- am I eating too many carbs not enough freaking protein...seriously...come on....I worry!!!

11- and last but not least....should I really have bought that pair of skinny leathery jean things....like really these legs in those pants...hmmmmm.....I worry!!!

So as you can see I worry...about silly things sometimes and very serious things sometimes....but man this girl needs some sleep...I had to get some of these things off my chest! So thanks for listening....this mama is going to sleep pretty tonight...thanks to you and the red....( red wine that is....oh yeah one more...do I drink too much....probably...that is one thing I don't worry one bit about!!!)

**** my spell check won't work...so now on top of it all I am really worried that this post is full of typos....ughghhghggh :)

Friday, October 12, 2012

Fun Facts Friday

1. I am sitting here on a bright but cold Friday morning, with little "d" on my lap watching her try to feed her breakfast to her favorite stuffed toy sheep Wooly...with Barney serenading us, in his oh so cheerful perfectly purple way....and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else!

2. I'm not sure if it is the change in the weather or what, but I can't seem to drag my arse out of bed in the morning to workout and even worse then that I have this sudden strong urge to cook and bake all sorts of comfy satisfying treats. Ughghg not a good combo!!

3. I only have 4 appointments left until Christmas Eve at work...this is causing me huge anxiety...I can't stand not being able to fit everyone in....blahhhhhh

4. I am so SO looking forward to our night out this Saturday with some of our friends....a. Can't wait to catch up with them, it is always too long in between visits b. We need to get out!!! Geesh this toddler play zone is wearing me down...lol lol not really but it will be nice to have some good ole adult company!!

5.  I made the best vegetable beef minestrone soup this week with our left over beef tenderloin from Thanksgiving(yes we served beef not turkey, which in many ways was a strange decision considering the recalls on beef and the fact that everyone loves turkey except T and I...oh we'll they came and they ate and I think left happy...lol) anyways here is the recipe....I used quinoa instead of orzo and it was delish but I am sure it would be super good with the orzo as well!!

6. This Wed I had to do an interview for our local newspaper, it is an article to promote our new day spa that we just added to our salon! It was so funny, my "interviewer" and i use that title lightly was not very prepared so it felt like I was doing all the talking and not being asked any questions!!! So we will see how this turns out....the worst part....he needed picture...of me...blahhhh the one time I wished I would have listened to my girlfriend explain how she does all those "poses" for the camera. I tried but it think it is going to be one big FAIL.

7. I bought leather type jeans last week?!?! Not sure what I was thinking!!


8. Here are a few things that I may attempt this weekend.





9. I am totally in love with this basement.....hmmm too soon for a redo???



I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!
Enjoy!!!

I found this quote on pinterest this week and love it!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Mmmmm love fall.....vegetable beef soup simmering away!

Monday, October 8, 2012

What are you thankful for??

Wow it's been a week or so since I have posted! Crazy times in my household....days with a busy toddler,  opening a new business, and just hosted Thanksgiving for 18 yesterday! A fantastic time we did have!! I guess those are a few reasons why posting has been pushed to the back burner this past week!

Thanksgiving here in the great white north, this weekend...I think thanksgiving is slowly becoming one of my most favorite holidays! It doesn't have the stress of Christmas in all its gift giving glory...Thanksgiving is calmer...it kind of sneaks up on you in a really cozy, apple cinnamon scented candle, pumpkin pie eating sort of way!!

We had both of our families join us at our place yesterday....it was a perfect day! Lots of laughs, lots of food, lots of wine!! We even had a cute little golden retriever pup Phoebe join us!! YES a dog was in my house..free...diving between my feet as I prepared green beans....I know this is shocking and down right unheard of...stay tuned for a post about the puppy dilemma soon!!

As always today is a day to sit and acknowledge the things we are most thankful for. I have so many this year....it is crazy what the last 2 years of our life have been like...downright nuts to be honest. I think right at this moment I am most thankful for the calm....everything feels right and good and calm right now and I love it!! I don't have butterflies in my stomach...I'm not up every hour worried about something....things are just nice...boring ....calm....ahhhhhh I have waited a long time for this feeling to surface again!!

I have tons and tons of other things on my most thankful list...too many to write about...or bore you with...I hope you all have a list a mile long as well!!

Happy Turkey day folks..
M