Monday, August 31, 2009

I've turned a corner...rounded a bend.........

Well it is official, I have turned the corner...you see, all along I have been thinking I was still one of them " the young ones, one of the kids"...but alas this is no more, my shipped has sailed....I can no longer act out and blame it on being one of the kids, saying my lack of maturity made me do it.....I have officially crossed the line........moved over to join the others...the moms and the aunts....monumental and maybe just a bit depressing I have to admit..... I am no longer grouped with the girls, the kids.... I am now one of them...the "women of the family!"

The Allen girls united yesterday, for a good old fashioned girls day.....tons of food, tons of laughs, lots of chatter and some very interesting topics of discussion....WOW is all I can say!!!


It all started very honestly, this little revelation I came to.....one of my younger cousins was chatting about her life and what she is up to, expressing some of her opinions and as I started contemplating how I was going to react to what she was saying, I had this flutter in my stomach this sort of chuckle if you will.....because I was thinking that my opinion was going to sound to her 10 year younger mind, so annoying and irritating and OLD....I even prefaced my reply with "well I knew this was going to happen sooner than later...but I have a crossed a line here....I am no longer with you girls, I am with them" as I pointed to my Aunt and Mom.....yes my thoughts were more similar to the parents...the mature, rationale thinking MOMS...not the fun crazy kids, that I was once the leader of.....

Yes I am the first born, the oldest grandchild in the Allen clan.....we range from 34 to 17....and clearly from last nights tales, subjects of discussion and my opinions about them...the oldest my friends...has officially outgrown the kids table...lol

I suppose I should have seen it coming, as I sit and look back on the past few years.....it all started when they asked me to bring the rolls and then I moved up to a choice of bringing a salad or dessert and now here I am hosting events...this should have been a clue to me......hello as soon as they start asking you to bring stuff, you are clearly an adult now...you can't get away with just showing up, eating and making a run for it...you have to bring something, set the table, and clean up....haha

So I guess this is how it goes.....I will always be the first born, the oldest.....I hope that I don't get too far behind in the "way of the world" in my cousins eyes...I get that they see things a bit differently.....just like I did 10-15 years ago, although I now can understand a bit better what our Mom's are saying and I do indeed agree with them more now than I once did in my younger days...I hope that we always have these fun times that we can all get together and keep each other informed on what's going on in the 20 something worlds, the 17 year old world....the 30 the 40 and the 50....man no wonder we had to chat so long we have quite a few decades of information to cover!!!!

love you all....
m :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

update........

So my husband said to me tonight..."when are you going to blog....I check everyday and it is the same, nothing new this week"....lol....what a dedicated follower....

Well I just don't seem to have much to say this week.......it has been super busy...it is back to school week in the HC....so I have been putting in some insane hours, as well as everyone I work with!
I don't want to bore you all with the little "shit" that is going on........but here is an update of my week!

-I am seriously thinking about an expansion at work....it is time.....we are super super busy and I need more space....I can't even believe I am saying that....6 years ago, I was unsure if I would even be able to keep one other stylist besides myself, let alone thinking about expanding to a larger space and staff.... I have tons of ideas...now I just have to figure our what is best.....

-Myself and everyone I work with are going to go take a facial waxing course in Sept......a new added service...just one more step in my spa direction...

-two good friends of mine are getting married tomorrow...I can't wait to celebrate their marriage with them....fun times tomorrow.....my Mom is doing the wedding which will be great...I just love hearing her message at weddings.

-Sunday I have a girls night planned with my fav cousins, aunt, mom and hopefully my bro's girlfriend....it is going to be cooler outside so we won't be having any beach time....but that should be no problem at all, just gives us more time to chat and eat....all those awesome appies that Aunt Carol will bring...lol....I am SO looking forward to the girl time with my fav's....can't wait!!!

-I have now officially survived 17 weddings in 2009....3 more to go....and then we start the
2010 list........can you say BRIDZILLA????????

-football fever has begun at our house.....LOVE IT!

-I hired my youngest cousin to work at the salon a few months ago....best thing ever....I just love spending time with her and getting to know her better....so fun!!

-my cousin is in love......this is the best.....I have been waiting for her to feel this for so long....telling her "it will sneak up on you when you least expect it and WOW you won't even believe it"....I won't say "I told you so"...her man is going to be gone for a few months so big big hugs to you JD.....it won't be easy but you will get through this.....:)

-we have expanded our "adoption network" in the past few weeks....as a good friend put it....."we have hope in our voice again".......:)

well I think that is it for an update......things are good....we continue to have faith and fun........
m:)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Gift........



What a wonderful gift I have been given, the chance to spend some special time with my Grandmother.

This past week has been such an enlightening experience for me. I have grown spiritually, I have realized some very important things about myself. I have witnessed a women's strength...physically, spiritually and emotionally. I will forever remember this past week as life changing for me. I am so thankful and feel very blessed, that I had a chance to spend some time with this women that I feel privileged to call my Grandmother.

m :)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

define OKAY?

I had someone ask me today a very thought provoking question. A client was asking me questions about adoption....various different things, which I thought was so great. She was very unaware of how things worked in our country when it came to adoption...domestically or internationally or even through the CAS system. As I was telling her all the ins and outs, and a little about our situation she looked at me and said "Michelle are you going to be alright if this doesn't happen for you"??
Now I know she was not saying this to be insensitive...she was being realistic....she could see the facts....the lack of babies...the lack of matches....the growing number of waiting couples....she genuinely wanted to know if I was going to be okay?

I looked at her and had to honestly say..."I don't know.....I just don't know.... but I hope so".

I have thought about this a lot obviously....it's not that I generally sit around thinking negatively....heck lots of times I am sitting daydreaming about baby names and what life would be like if we got the call and had to be ready in 24 hours...that is what I usually think about...but I do have those moments that sneak up on me, the cup half empty moments..the down moments, the sad moments..... and I wonder, will we be okay?
I know I always say, things will turn out to be how they are meant to be...how God intended them to be. I do have faith that somewhere along the way if this is not meant to be I will be okay with it....something will shift....my feelings will change....it will all work out.

I hope this is not what happens.....I can't even imagine that turn of events, where I would be okay with not having a child of our own to raise and love.......but I will continue to get the strength that I need on this journey from my faith, and believe that everything will be as it is to be!

m :)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I am back to work after a few days with my Grandmother at the cottage! She is doing very well and really likes what we have done with the place....she is a great sport really....because it is really a big change! She actually said yesterday that I had done a wonderful job of blending the old with the new! Whew....relief....and I haven't had to make any trips back to the Goodwill store!!! lol

I must say it has been very emotionally exhausting watching her this week......I feel so sad sometimes and then in the next moment I feel so motivated...she is a fighter and won't let her disease Parkinson's get her down! I can't imagine how hard it is on her to have to rely on all of us so much and for her to see some of her friends come to visit who are looking so healthy and unaffected at this point with old age like she has been! She is a trooper, she still insists on going for a walk everyday with her walker...when most in her state would have succumbed to a full time wheel chair by now!
So I am back to work now for a few days and then back up to the cottage to spend the later part of her stay with her! I am looking very forward to it!

Yesterday I had a very cool proposition at work.....a new client came into see me...someone that I had meet through another longtime client of mine. This women is an outstanding classical singer and has done some amazing things with her talent. She is very well known in Canada and has preformed around our country....anyways she always puts on a huge fundraiser at the Grand Theater in our city for MS....her mother suffers from MS so this charity is very close to Sonja's heart. So the gala event consists of huge musical performance, dinner and the normal mingling of people! Well she has asked me if I would come with my staff and do all the hair for the evening!

SO FUN......she is a classical singer so she tends to do lots of 40's inspired hairstyles which will be so cool. She and her band do about 4 costume changes within this event so I will be changing the hair and makeup to fit the theme of the sets!!!! I am so excited.....just to do something different..and the honour of her asking me is so HUGE.......not to mention the exposure my salon will get....
So if you can believe it I have my old mannequin head out from my school days practicing all these crazy cool do's.......stay tuned for more details and some pics....

m :)
ps some of you have been asking me about pics of the cottage.....if you go to my list of fav's my picture blog link is there....not a lot of pics but I do have a few before and afters of the cottage...so you can check them out!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Company's Coming...

So this is it the weekend that we are going to pick my Grandmother up to stay for a week at the cottage.....eeekkkkk....it is funny I am actually very excited to have her come.....nervous but excited!

I know that she is going to be overwhelmed by all the changes that we have done to the cottage....I have forewarned her with tons of pictures etc...but it is going to be very different! I have visions of her asking me "M where is that lovely brown and orange tea pot that was on the counter....and my reply being...oh just give me a bit I am sure I can find it"....then immediately getting into my car, driving to our favorite goodwill with my fingers toes and everything else I can think of crossed hoping that the damn tea pot is still there so I can buy it back.....lol

I think I am more excited though about the time I am going to have with her.....honestly never before have I looked forward to seeing my Grandmother like I am right now....I know that sounds awful....but like I have mentioned before we really have never been that close. However in the last 6 months due to our numerous chats about the cottage I feel that I have got to know her better....I am going to take this as a second chance....amazing as we mature how we can feel so differently about things!

I feel so fortunate to still have Grandparents alive....I have so much to learn from them, so much history to discover...so much knowledge, so many life experiences. My Grandmother was widowed at a very early age...left with two young boys to raise in a town where she had no family....however she rose to the occasion and held on tight to the support of her church family and faith!
She raised two wonderful, successful boys.....established a career of her own and is really one of the strongest women I know.....never to marry again...because in her words to me once... the man that was to be my husband was taken too soon...but he was the only man for me!!
Now that is love....I am going to soke up every minute of conversation I can have with her.....and feed off her faith and strength!!!

m :)

Monday, August 10, 2009

praying for a miracle.....

This past weekend has confirmed something for me....I am absolutely positive that I want to be a MOM....

Now for everyone that is reading this, and those who follow regularly, this is not a "Michelle is sad" post...this is not about me being depressed about not having had a successful adoption yet....I hope that this will happen for us obviously....I am frustrated that it hasn't...I am jealous that a couple I know who has also been waiting, decided to go another route and have just picked up their 15month old baby boy...I am nervous that all the other couples that have been waiting the same amount of time or even less time, are going to pass us by...I am HUMAN...I am thinking positive....so you don't have to continue on reading and feel pity for me....
This post is about the fact that I have been doubting myself..I've been sizing up the "competition", I know that sounds terrible but I have! I have been scouring other profiles and comparing us to them...thinking oh no they are younger...or they are older, they are prettier or they have more money or they vacation in Hawaii every year...they live in a big house..their pictures are better....it is just crazy... I have been thinking that maybe the reason this hasn't happened for us is because of me, I have been wondering if our lack of success is because I am not "supposed" to be or am not good enough to be a MOM...I know that this all sounds crazy but this is how I have been feeling......

So this weekend has been a wonderful change of events for me personally...mentally.....it has confirmed that this is absolutely, not a doubt in my mind what I want.....this weekend we had our good friends and their 3 kids up to the cottage...for a sleepover....this family consists of a 7yr old girl and 4yr old identical twin boys....mischievous boys...crazy boys...lovable boys.....the greatest little girl.......so you do the math here.....3 kids, 4 adults, a tiny cottage, a beach, some sand a really really humid day.....what you end up with.... is one exhausted couple 24 hrs later......
We had so much fun.....these guys are nuts but even after all the chaos...the fighting over the dominoes..the frisbees in the head, the water hose being turned on and off multiple times....the crazy Vegas makeover I received....after 24hours of pure kid time...I know for sure that this is what I want...I really can't imagine not having this in our lives....after watching T interacting with these kids I knew this just has to happen for us.....I get that our lives will totally change....we want that change that joy you only get by being a parent!

This weekend was so good for me mentally.....I know that I can do this and want this and we deserve this just as much as the next couple...I do hope it is soon...obviously....please don't think I am not thinking positive and yes I do get sad sometimes....I can't help it....sometimes if I think about the times we are living in....the fact that in our society right now it is totally OKAY to be 15 years old, have and raise a child...or a 30something yr old to be totally ecstatic about her pregnancy after a one night stand...the fact that abortion is a totally accepted thing to do in our country.....all of these scenarios limit our chances of having a successful adoption....as my Mom said to me the other day...."I am praying for a miracle, because it seems in this day and age that is what it is going to take".....so today more than ever I am praying for that miracle!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

some pics






A girlfriend of mine who happens to be a photographer offered to take some pics of T and I last week...she knew that we were planning on doing an update on our profile to include the cottage...so she came out and took some pictures of us...I hate looking at myself in pictures...ughhhgg I guess everyone does though...anyways here are a few!!!

m :)




Monday, August 3, 2009

perfection.....

I am sitting here at the cottage totally relaxed, bitter-sweetly thinking how can this weekend be over already??? We have had an awesome weekend....just what we needed....nothing exciting....some sun...nice dinners...nice wine...nice walks...awesome company....:)!!! We really have just had a weekend to gather our thoughts....too try to figure things out! There is so much going on in both of our lives right now....business, adoption.....just life really....so we have had a ton of time to talk things through and get stuff figured out or at least we have figured out how we are going to handle things right now!

As far as the adoption stuff goes, we actually had a lot of time to get some work done on our profile....because it is coming up to a year that we have had our profile done we knew we needed to add some things to our current profile... we managed to get a ton of work done on that this weekend! You've got to love a laptop that you can take anywhere with you...you can even catch a few rays and work all at the same time!!

So it is off to work tomorrow....I have 6 weddings to do in the next 3 weeks so it is going to be crazy....between getting them all prepped for the big day...to finally seeing them on the big day...I can't believe I have time for anyone else in the next 3 weeks...lol.....hopefully we don't see any Bridezilla's in the next couple days!!!

Next weekend we have friends coming up with their 3 kids.....Raine who is 6 and Jack and Cole who are 4 yr old identical twins.....boy will we be tired next week at this time.........I am so looking forward to their visit though....it should be so much fun!! Hoping for great weather and some good beach time!!!

Hopefully everyone has had a wonderful weekend!
m :)