Tuesday, March 31, 2009

guilty........

I have been putting off writing this blog for a few days now....but I do feel that it is important for me to do so. I'm going to remind everyone that is reading this..........this blog is an outlet for ME.....I really do feel that it is a therapy as such.......I am really good at keeping things locked away deep inside(which I realize is sooo unhealthy) this seems to be the only way for me to get it out and deal with how I am feeling!
So what I am about to write is not to make anyone feel bad or sad..........this is about me!!!!

This past weekend we had a dinner date with 2 other couples........dear dear friends.....most times I would be sooo looking forward to this night.....but this time I just wasn't. I was beating myself up about it for weeks leading up to it......I was nervous how I was going to feel and I felt so guilty for having any of these thoughts because these are my friends and I just felt that I was wrong!

Sat night came and of course all day I had knots in my stomach....I actually felt nauseous about going.....but we went............I knew as soon as I opened the door to my girlfriends house that they were going to be able to tell something wasn't right....these girls especially one have known me for years.............but I couldn't shake it....I just was not feeling like myself.........

Okay you all must be thinking what, what the hell is going on....and I still obviously am having a hard time putting it down here.....but here goes..........my one girlfriend has a beautiful baby boy who is about 5 months old and my other girlfriend is having a baby in a few weeks....

I knew that these two would want, and should be talking everything baby.....I would. I truly felt that they should be.......the one should be asking the other every detail about the birth and what to expect, even the men should be sharing details! I was feeling so uncomfortable ahead of time because I wasn't sure how they were going to handle it and honestly if I was them I wouldn't have known what to do either.....should we talk about it in front of them or should we not.....god I hate being this couple that people are thinking they should be tip toeing around.....

So they thankfully choose to talk about everything which I was so happy about......they continued on like normal.........chatting away about it all.....I spent lots of time listening and playing with the baby.....

This is where I start to bring in the guilty part of my story........I wasn't into it....I know my one girlfriend could see it. I don't know if they understand and truly, I am happy they don't have to understand how I was feeling! It was not there fault it was me....and is me..........I just find it soooo difficult to sit and watch and listen to them talking about something that I will never ever get to experience.......NO this is not like waiting to find out if you are pregnant....this is not the same at all, we already know what that feels like...this is it for us..........we have NO more chances......we are in our mid to late 30's and if this doesn't happen through adoption....well that is it!
So for us to sit and listen to 2 couples talk about being pregnant and expecting and the miracle of child birth was just too much. For that I am sooooo sorry.....I don't know if either girls will read this but this is not meant to make you feel bad about Sat night this is meant to explain......how sorry I am.

I'm sorry I wasn't myself.......it was just too hard..........I hoped I would be okay......but to be honest I wasn't and I just had to leave.........I knew that you wanted to continue talking but I could sense that you felt maybe you shouldn't. It was just too much for me to think I was the reason you couldn't talk about all those wonderful things!

I promise I will love your children and once they are here everything will be fine.....it is so interesting and I have heard so many other waiting adoptive parents say this......it isn't about the babies that come into our lives...we love that, we love babies and children that is why we are all trying so hard to be able to be parents.....but the pregnancy part sometimes is just too much....the part that we know we will never experience.

Well there you have it....I already feel better just writing this........it got it off my chest and now we can move on....
ahh sometimes this whole thing just SUCKS.......I know that sounds very desperate hahaha maybe this whole blog did..........don't call the loony bin on me though....I'm fine...just had to get this one out in the open!

m :)

Monday, March 30, 2009

let us loose underground.....

This weekend my Mom and I headed to the big city for some QT time, shopping and a little business for me! We had so much fun.........we arrived late afternoon on Sunday, just enough time to make a stop at Ikea.........ahhh you know when you have a project in mind...that store is the best....I certainly started the redecorating of the cottage....oh so many fun ideas!! I can't wait to get started!!

So we closed Ikea down for the night and carried on to our hotel. Had a glass of wine, chatted and then walked over to a nearby restaurant....good food and lots of chatting...so fun!

This morning we were off to the ABA...which is the biggest "hair event" of the year.....the rest of my staff was meeting us at the show so Mom and I decided that we would just take the subway downtown......something that we are both comfortable with. Especially my Mom who lived in the city for 4 years, not that long ago when she was getting her masters........so off we went!!! Grabbed a Timmy's for the ride and sauntered off to the subway station.......then the fun began!!Our first mission was to get some tokens....so we ventured up to the wicket and there was a bit of special going on for today it looked like...lol 5 tokens for 11 dollars...not bad........I know we were only going to need 4 tokens for the day but this was a deal so I asked the nice man for that....gave him my money, he gave me my change and then nothing....we waited....I wasn't really sure what was going on and clearly neither was he.....finally he noticed that the little machine that is supposed to automatically drop your ticket to the underground world was broken...so he fiddled with it and within seconds out popped our tokens.........carry on.....

I did right through the gate........in the back of my mind I was thinking hmmm funny where do you pay.....I can't remember...is there a man at the door of the subway waiting for your token....well that would be really dumb...but that must be it because I am in and I haven't paid......I look back and there is Mom right behind me...........we get to our waiting area.......after a quick noncommittal look at the map....( you don't want anyone in the place to know that you don't really know what the hell you are doing now do you), and she blurts out as she looks in the palm of her hand......."oh no I forgot to pay"....mystery solved, you are supposed to pay at that little wicket.....opps.....well I guess we're getting a free ride today!!!

We get to our destination and head out..........now I am sure most of you are familiar with riding the subway.....but this is the part that I find so funny every time.......that crazy unfamiliar feeling you get when you hit ground level again...........you walk up the stairs with this blazing bright light almost blinding you, you place you feet on the pavement.... slowly look around and realize yep you don't have the foggiest idea where the hell you are!!!! Well that was us...........we even asked a few people..which exit we should be taking to get us to such and such a place....they really didn't care....waste of my breath...they just shrugged there shoulders...

that's when this guy enters our story...........a very concerned taxi driver...........haha yep he could spot us a mile away...lost ladies....tourists.....he yelled over with his thick accent "where do you want to go"...we told him, he smiled....would you like a ride over......smooth very very smooth.....we jumped at the chance..........so 10 bucks later for what turned out to be about a 6 min walk(we did manage to find our way back by foot) we arrived at the show!!! whew....

The show was great....lots to see....had a short impromptu meeting about some salon software...watched some great new trendy stuff.....after a few hours Mom and I looked at each other and said alright now lets get down to business.........back to the mall...time to SHOP!!

Well you know what that means..........high tale it back to the sub station...........

This time we did remember to drop our tokens in and ran down the stairs so not to miss the next train.............just as we are boarding I noticed that both trains were heading north.........what??? So I said to Mom are you sure this is the one we want....yep yep this is the one...okay we sat and got comfy...we had a bit of a ride...........well I don't know why but I just was having this feeling that this was not right.........so after about 2 stops I said.....ummm I think we are heading to the other north because by my calculations and this map above our heads we are on the wrong train.........sure enough we were.....hehehe......

okay so time to regroup....well thank goodness we caught our mistake in time....quickly my teenage lessons from my Uncle came flooding back...all the times I would stay at his place in the summer and he would hand me a subway map and let me loose....I made these kinds of mistakes often.........so off we get, run to the opposite train and got ourselves back onto our proper Northbound train.....ahhh too funny..........damn the TTC sure didn't make any money off of us today....we put alot of miles on those 2 tokens......we had quite the underground tour of the city .....subway stops are quickly becoming very attractive these days....the days of grungy graffiti are gone people...one station had a stunning mosaic treatment done on the walls!!! lol

So we finally made it back to the mall...........and we shopped and we shopped and we walked.....OMG...........my poor poor feet.........seriously.......unfortunatly my choice of footwear was more about impressing my colleagues than thinking about how many steps I would be taking today.....so you can get a visual here I had the highest pointiest black boots on.......aghhhh so stupid....by the end of the day, I was dying.......at one point I was walking behind a nice man that was pushing his elderly Mom in a rented wheelchair from the mall and I contemplated pushing them over and taking off with that shiny set of wheels......:)

AHHHH where are those "Grandma Shoes" when you need them!!!

All and all it was a great weekend.....lots of laughs as you can see....it is great to be able to spend time together......I remember the first time we did that type of weekend...it dawned on me that we had hit a turning point in our relationship.....my Mom although always my Mom had also become my friend....someone you can have fun with.....I'm glad the tradition has continued and can't wait for the next one!!!

m:)









Friday, March 27, 2009

you make a choice....good day or bad??

T and I had a very interesting conversation this morning......I am a morning person....most often I jump out of bed with a spring in my step ready to tackle the day....I love my hour in the morning where I workout....have my breakfast look around on the computer and chat with my Mom.....T on the other hand.......is the exact opposite.........he slowly gets out of bed at the last possible moment....he keeps the lights dim, doesn't really want to chat... just has some breaky, watches some sports and gradually starts his day!

The first time we actually "meet" in the morning is when I am about to start the hair part of my ritual......so as you can see I have already accomplished a lot by this time in the morning..(hehe, not a jab at all you lazy morning people...:))....... I am awake, aware and raring to go.......well this morning like most mornings T had his usual blank stare on as he climbed what you would think was Mount Everest by the look on his face but is actually only a few stairs.......and I ask "whats wrong".........now I know what the reply is going to be, because it is the same every morning.... but I continue to ask the question just because I think the answer is so funny........ "its morning time that's whats wrong!

That is usually where this conversation ends.....I laugh and we carry on.....but today he sat down beside me and said....."okay miss always chipper in the morning"....we then started discussing the fact that your attitude in the morning can really play a big part in the rest of your day! T said... Michelle, someone once told me that when you wake up in the morning you have a choice, you can choose to have a good day or you can choose to have a bad day.....
hmmmm yes that is right and that is definitely how I try to start all my days.........but I sort of jokingly replied with "well that is all great.....but sometimes certain people end up in the middle of your great, happy, good mood day and just piss on it".......:)

A favorite saying of my Dad's is... after asking him how his day is going......he glances at his watch and says..."good, so far really good but there is still(as he points to his watch) lots of time for some trouble"....lol...now I don't want you to get the wrong idea........my Dad is about the most positive, calm caring person you will ever meet.......but he runs a big company, so there is always something brewing....you just never know when "the shit will hit the fan"another quote from my Dad!!!! lol

AHHHHH that is what has happened to me today..the fan the shit...yep it hit alright...seriously after T and I chatted my plan was, I was going to take on this day and have a great calm awesome day.....happy happy happy.....no stress, enjoy my clients...I had a much calmer schedule today than I have the past few days so I was really looking forward to not being CRAZY...like let me give you a picture here.....not being so crazy that you are constantly 5 mins behind...not eating all day...having to reapply your deodorant due to the fact that you are stressed out...ahhhhhh....lol and most of all today I was not going to let little staff issues get to me!!! Well.......wishful thinking....this has been the chain of events thus far and I am currently writing this at 10:00AM......that's right the day still has a ton of potential.....

-receptionist calls in sick.........oh boy now that would be enough to make a perfectly good day go south really fast....

-12 messages on the machine to return at 8:45, (and no receptionist to do it...okay I guess that means I'm doing double duty today).....what the heck how could that many people have already called today....don't get me wrong hopefully they are all calling wanting an appt.....

-next up 5 cancellations for the day....that means a few stylists sitting around with nothing to do.........never a good thing

- discover deposit from last night is short short short......ahhhh drive me crazy.........did anyone pass grade nine math here....like the class that they teach you how to count back change???

okay there is more but that is enough...I won't bore you with the little details, you get the picture............for some reason this week, there have been soooo many challenges for me at work. I'm not sure what is going on.......is it a full moon...am I expecting too much from the people that work for me.........I just don't know......
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It is now the end of the day...8:30pm......I am finally home from work.......what a day.....it continued to be crazy......I did have to reapply my deodorant and the final straw was when a police officer came into the shop about 5 mins before we were about to finally lock the door looking for my tenants entrance.........it was almost laughable.........like what now.....I have no idea what he wanted and I am pretty sure I don't want to know.........:)

So on my way home from work I started thinking about what T and I had been chatting about this morning..........does waking up and thinking positive thoughts make your day better....well I don't know......you can't really control all the stuff that is going on around you...people are going to be sick...coworkers are going to drive you crazy.....but in the end for me... I drove home with a smile on my face, just remembering our conversation this morning...
I am so lucky.....all my days are "good", I get to start and end them with my best friend, who always makes me laugh.....even at the crack of dawn......so for me it is an obvious choice....I am going to have a good day...no matter what....no matter how much stress happens in the middle!!!

I hope you all get to spend time with someone that makes you wake up and choose to have a good day!!!
m :)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

puberty........WHEN will it end???

So I have just finished my nightly ritual....which includes the same drill every single night........this certain chain of events has been happening night after night, for probably 20 or so years now.........pull the hair away from the face...rinse all of the makeup off........cleanse...exfoliate...and then access the situation.....yes that's right, it is always a "situation"...........seriously could someone please let me know when the pimples...the adult acne...the zits are going to go away???
As I sit here with an interesting checkerboard pattern of white Aveda "spot treatment"(they try to make it sound so pretty don't they) on my face, I got to thinking.........

COME ON PUBERTY.... I can't believe you are still around!!! I am still having teenage breakouts and I am freakin 34 years of age.......it just drives me crazy...it actually stresses me out...........you might be laughing right now.... saying to yourself "oh come on whats a few pimples here and there" and yes you are correct this is not life threatening...but when you spend 24/7 in front of a full length mirror with yourself as the reflection your self esteem sometimes needs a bit of a boost. Especially when the image that you see staring back at you, is a big red welt on the side of your left cheek..........you would come home with a few issues too....lol

Yes I know I am going to get some comments telling me to try this and that, a cream that worked wonders for you cousins aunts brother or this miracle product or of course the ever popular "don't get stressed it will just make them worse"...well you don't say..........yep I think I figured that one out a LONG time ago....

Believe me..........I am 34 and in the business of beauty........I have tried them all....every miracle product...every drug....every potion....toothpaste...the zeno zapper....everything..........nope I still pretty much have a blemish on my face every single day of the week.....

Now I know the people reading this that know me in "real life" (you lucky ducks) are thinking right now, well I don't remember her skin being that bad....well listen, it is..but really it is not going to make me feel any better about myself if the next time we run into each other you are dissecting my face....really just take my word for it and move on.... concentrate on my hair or my outfit...don't spend our next visit connecting the red dots.......remember I am a make up artist........I am trained to make yucky things on peoples faces disappear.....and I am not afraid to use these techniques on myself....but I would really like to not have too.....

So come on Puberty... GO AWAY...we have had a good run........I think it is time you started to pick on someone your own size and age....go make some well deserving 13 year old miserable...that is what you do best!!!
It is time to leave this old lady alone!!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

the mOoRe mULL.....

So there is this "thing" in my family that we like to refer to as the "Moore Mull"........yep we all do it...any of us that have the same Moore/Calder blood running through our veins, now I throw in the last name Calder because I am really not certain where this family characteristic comes from...I know my Grandmother is pretty much the master of the mull, so it would suggest that it has stemmed from her ancestry...whoever it is from it is a commonly used term in my household...."THE MOORE MULL"....now we all have a different capacity for the mull....some of us mull for a very long time..some mulls are faster than others......some mull over everything and others just the most private of their thoughts......I personally would like to think of myself as a part-time "muller"....I do it occasionally but not all the time....:)

When I spend time with my Grandmother I see the "mull" at its full force...........as I watch her contemplate her next question, how she gathers her thoughts, pierces her lips in a thin tight line and forms a sentence in her head before she dares to say it out loud...I find it so amazing because as I watch her it is like I am staring at my own father.......in a female body of course........eeekkkk it is so weird........and then she turns her lip or eyes a certain way and there is my Uncle..........wow.....strange shit here.....

It really is like you are talking to all three of them at the same time...........so it would seem to reason that you would be able to get somewhere within these conversations..........hmmm nope...sometimes it is like you are just skirting around the main topic, talking about everything else but the thing you came to talk about...what can I say...not enough mulling...I guess........lol

So T and I went to see my Grandmother yesterday....we had a good nice visit with her..it always makes me a bit sad to see how much she has aged, how tired she gets so easily..man this getting old stuff just sucks!
We of course chatted about how she was very excited but surprised to hear that I would be interested in buying the cottage......I of course admitted to her that yes 15 years ago...this would not have been the place that I would have invested my time or my money...isn't it funny how things change.....so we chatted...remembering things about the cottage and what we could do with it....all the great family dinners we had there...etc...

All and all it was a great time spent with my Grandmother...........although we still have not got a clear answer on the cottage.....from what I can gather from yesterdays visit, although it is a bit sketchy.... my Grandma is pretty much over dealing with the cottage........she is thrilled that we would like to purchase it but she really doesn't want to have much to do with the sale, the price or the cleaning out things....even the redecorating...which by the way she knew if I was involved it would be looking very different from how she has had it for years....I was nervous about that..but she was cool...all she said was Michelle you have good taste and that is all I would want for the cottage...........

So where does this leave us you ask.............ahhh well we are now in the hands of the, dare I say professional "Moore Mullers"...........my Dad and my Uncle..........hehe......love you both.........but seriously......let the Mull begin........this is gonna be funny and hard on my nerves, although as my Dad always says...."Chelle it will all work out".........but in the words of my Grandmother as she so eloquently stated yesterday "Michelle your strong suit has never been patience now has it"....hmmpph no it has not.........even she can see that I am ready to get my hands dirty, ready to dig and clean and paint....the sooner the jobs are done the sooner T and I will be relaxing on our Muskoka chairs with the "sea" breeze flowing through our hair......hahahaha...........

So let the Mull begin.....maybe they can set a record for the shortest Mull in history....hmm not very likely!!!!...........oh well all good things come to those who wait..........good lord have I not heard that cliche about five thousands times this year........:)

m:)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

lesson learned.....

So I promised that I would give everyone a rundown of the detox that T and I just finished...which I will, but I must start this off by telling you how awful and disgusting I am feeling right... at this very moment..........ughhhhh


Yesterday I awoke with a lighter than air feeling....healthy glowing....** please get a visual here people, me floating around from room to room getting ready for a busy fun day at my photograph course**.....so you can see I was feeling good........I even started out my day with the wheat-free 8 grain hot cereal that we have been eating for the last 12 days...funny how last week I thought it was the most disgusting concoction in the world and now I am actually enjoying it....
interesting....


So I go to my photography course....had a great day, so much fun...I was really wondering what I was going to do about lunch, I had brought some veggies and almonds with me just in case there wasn't anything that I could eat.....but they served a great lentil soup and sandwich.....so I had the soup and some of the meat that was in the sandwich.....ahh safe....I just wasn't ready to dive into "forbidden food" yet......yet.....


Fast forward to my drive home from the course......... I started thinking about getting my hands on some licorice 2 seconds after I left the parking lot of my course....ahh I couldn't wait to stop at my friendly variety store and grab my weekend stash....I am sure my friends at the store have missed me.....so I did. the first thing I did when I arrived in the city, I went in and grabbed a handful of licorice...I had one down before I even put my car in drive....hmmm good but not stellar....not the fantastic reunion I was hoping for to tell you the truth.....


So I got home and it was dinner time....we had decided to do a nice leisurely dinner of cheese roasted garlic...some cured meat...veggies...some crackers etc....all things that were not allowed for the last 12 days and of course some red wine...........ahhh I was so excited...I love this type of meal where we can just chat and slowly have some dinner...they usually end up lasting a few hours.............well the company was still as good as always....but something just wasn't the same....our taste buds had changed....it just wasn't what I was hoping for.....wine didn't taste as good...we felt sluggish and full at the end of it!


But nothing that I felt last night is as bad or gross as I feel right now...........yuck....I just feel gross...I can certainly tell that I had one to many glasses of wine and didn't eat properly because my body is aching and blah I just don't feel right........I couldn't wait to get up and eat my hot cereal and start my day of healthy WHOLE eating again....now I am not saying that I won't have the occasional cheat day from time to time but I think this 12 day detox has put me back on track.....I want the good healthy feeling again not this sluggish heavy feeling....ahhh can't wait to wake up tomorrow......back to floating around the condo!!!! lol


So I would highly recommend this detox.....it is called the Wild Rose Detox....12 days, not as hard as you might think....there are tons of websites that will give you some ideas for eating and recipes...and anyone can email me for more information....we both LOVED it!! I think this is the start of new healthy whole lifestyle for us!!

have a great day........we are off to discuss cottage living with my Grandma...........so EXCITED!!!
m :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

done.....

12 day Detox is done...thank goodness.....
I am heading to bed now so by the time I wake up tomorrow, we will be finished.......ahhh I'm afraid you might catch me with a bag of red licorice and a bottle of red wine in my lap on my way to work tomorrow morning.....haha
I will post a full description of the Detox later in the weekend.....
m

Thursday, March 19, 2009

how valuable is my time????

So yesterday I had a very interesting interaction with one of my long time clients. I have been doing this women's hair for probably 13 years now.......we get along really well, I actually really look forward to seeing her!

Yesterday afternoon she had an appt........now this women is on time probably 80% of the time, the other 20% she slides in usually 7 or 8 mins late..........on these occasions, I am usually very frustrated.....I don't think she realizes that being few minutes late ends up putting me behind about 15 to 25 mins at the end of the day.....it just backs everything up. Now I know that in many salons people have to sit and wait for about 15 mins until there stylist is ready, but I pride myself in the fact that my salon stays on schedule ALWAYS.....it is something that is very important to me, it would be very unusual for someone to have to wait longer that 10 mins for us....usually I am in perfect sync with my appt book.....soooooooooooooooo long time clients are very aware of this and always comment on how great it is.........they never have to wait.........

So yesterday....the usual 8 mins had passed, my receptionist asked me if I would like her to call...*** sidebar**** we give every client a reminder call the day before there appt, we call with the time and day. This has cut down on our no shows tremendously...so NO excuses for not knowing your appt time.....so I said, did you talk to so and so yesterday...."yes I talked directly to her" okay so there really is no excuse. then......by now it is about 15 mins after her appt time and at this point looking at the rest of my day...I can not get that far behind it would just not be fair to the rest of my valued clients.........I really was thinking that this women was not going to show up, I actually got a bit worried...but thought well we all have cell phones if it is just that she is running behind she would have called......

Well 18 mins after her scheduled time she walks in.........I could tell that she was agitated, she was well aware that she was late you could just see that look in her eyes..........but NO APOLOGY....it isn't like she came running in the door saying "I am so sorry, this and this happened"etc...........nope she just looked at me like well I'm here.....and then it hit me...........you know what........yes you are a very good client but I think you are taking advantage of me....my time is important and you are forgetting that..........I have a cancellation list of 15 people that would have loved that appt and been here on time....not to mention if I start you now the rest of my clients of the day are going to have to wait a half of an hour for me.........that is just not okay.........
So I said "I am so sorry but I won't be able to take you today, it is just too late...I have a crazy afternoon and it just wouldn't be fair to the rest of my clients as well to you, I would not be giving you my best if I rushed through it".

AHHHH she was so RUDE......I couldn't believe it...she was so B*TC**.....I offered her a spot to come on Fri or one of my other stylists could do it right then.....she reluctantly took the Fri appt but was just a total crab about it..........now I am assuming that she will be better when she does get her on Fri.....and I have made a pact with myself that I will NOT apologize for this....this was not my fault....I was ready for her when her appt started...I lost $$ because she was not there......it really bothered me that she was not concerned about that at all and was actually upset because I was not accomodating her.....

So who knows how tomorrow will go......I hope that she will have cooled down by then...I do feel much better though, for once I stood up for myself and didn't let someone take advantage of me....the girls at work were so PROUD of me.....lol

Wish me luck!
m

Monday, March 16, 2009

weekly recap and some pics....

WOW, it is Monday night again.......usually I am bummed at this point....the end of my weekend....this week though, I have tons going on.....so I am ready to get this thing going come on already!!
Last week was busy...busy a work, busy with some staff issues, busy with the Clean Closet thing...and of course busy with the 12 day detox thing....chopping, prepping..and taking care of detox business if you know what I mean.........geesh.....so this is what I was up to this past week.

1- The final tally is in.......drum roll please.............we raised almost 600 dollars at the CleAn CloSet EveNt....ahhhhh so awesome.....it was so much fun....there were lots of people in and I think everyone bought something.......one lady bought 4 pairs of shoes....crazy...we had so much fun Sat after work transforming the salon into a clothing boutique...the high school student that works with me stayed and helped and also come in on Sunday...such a big help.... I am very pleased with how the whole thing turned out! "J" was joking that she had already borrowed these from me once and now she was going to just break down and buy them, seeing that they potentially may not be in my closet anymore.....haha....




"D", my old roommate...love her and her enthusiasm at the "sale"......lol she had to have those shoes!!!
2- I am in DETOX HELL......okay I am exaggerating but really I am ready for this to be over.....we have been doing really well though........no cheating at all...........man, I do miss a few things....I hate to admit this but I really really miss my little glass of wine with my dinner....this weekend was different......I have never had so many mugs of herbal teas in my life.....has anyone tried the Chocolate Chai...very nice.........


3- continuing on with the Detox theme.............I am broke...........my goodness....I buy this kind of food for myself all the time......but trying to keep the two of us with all these whole ingredients is breaking my bank.....geez.......so worth it though, we both have said many times how much better we are feeling...


4- of course my Grandmas cottage has been in the forefront of our minds all week(or maybe just my mind)lol.....I have been scouring magazines and websites for ideas.......I am going to be one sad girl if this whole thing doesn't pan out.....oh well I need to be patient....yah right....:)


5- I gave self-evaluation forms out to all of my stylist 2 weeks ago so I got them all back last week....it is always interesting getting those back.......listening to others perspectives.....so I am having individual meetings with each stylists this week....and then a full staff meeting the following week.....so lots of prep work for that!


6- I went for my first outdoor run today......it was a gorgeous day here today....13 degrees.......honestly that is balmy for March.....anyways started the season off with a 5k run so I was happy with that...


7-my cousin came over for dinner tonight......she is planning on going to Kenya in Sept to work at an orphanage for a few months....I am so proud of her...this is going to be such an awesome eye opening experience.....it was really interesting hearing the details tonight.........and what a good sport she is, enduring the detox supper......I'm sure she has stopped somewhere on her way home for something sweet.........lol


8- an award (or 2)...:)

So I never knew you could be given blog awards....but I was lucky enough to receive a few in the past few weeks.....so fun...who knew....this is a whole new world for me!!!
Thanks to my blogging friends....Sally at http://sallyannestephenson.blogspot.com/, and Maki at http://withlovesincerely.blogspot.com/.......as I have said before, I just find it amazing the friends that I have met through this blog...I am soooo glad I started doing this! Thank-You both so much for the awards...I love the fact that you enjoy reading my day to day ramblings.....
Now I am supposed to nominate other blogs that I read after receiving these awards....but I just can't choose.....you are all so great....so if you are reading this consider yourself a recipient...you have won 2 awards, for your awesome writing that keeps me laughing, crying, supporting and just loving life everyday........thanks ladies.....

So many fun things coming up this week.....my photography course that I'm taking with a good friend on Sat...we are meeting with my Grandma on Sunday......and then I think we are going to take a drive to a small tourist town close to were she lives, to scour some Antique Shops for the Vintage Initials I am obsessing about..........oh man I need to stop looking at magazines.....

Have a great week everyone...

m :)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Step number 8????

Have you ever been accused of buying the cart before the horse.....or pushing the cart or whatever that old saying is.......??? Well that is what was written in a recent email to me from my husband?? What....me you can't be talking about little old me???

Or could he?????? Yep he sure is, that's right....when you give me an idea I run with it so you better be really sure of yourself before you start chatting up a potential idea to me especially one that I think it soooo doable......

So I will start at the beginning for you.......I believe it was last Fri night...yes that is a key point to this story......this only started a mere 9 days ago.....T and I were eating a nice dinner, and just chatting.....I really can't even remember when it all began........but for some reason T started talking about a show he had watched, one of those reality real estate shows......I guess the couple was around our age...and they had "x" amount of money to purchase a new home....they had decided to split that money in half and buy 2 smaller homes, one in the city that they worked and the other a vacation destination...or cottage destination..............well as soon as I heard that my mind started to go into OVERDRIVE..........this is a spectacular idea........well why don't we just buy my Grandma's cottage then.....and stay in our condo.
We have been contemplating a move to a bigger house for some time now, but haven't come across anything we like better than where we are. The only thing missing from where we are is outdoor space...other than that we love it here.....

*sidebar* my Grandma has had a cottage in a small beach side village since I was about 4 years old.....now I will admit if you had asked me 15 years ago I would have said never would I want a cottage in that village...it sometimes seemed boring to me...its amazing what 15 years does to a girl..........because now it seems soooo desirable to me, a quiet charming village, I can totally picture us there on weekends... gardening, entertaining...relaxing...going to the beach..ahhhh....another thing that makes it so awesome is that my Mom's church is there...It is closer to my parents home and many of my girlfriends.....it is just a great place.....not a dream cottage by any means but a really awesome cottage cottage.....my Grandma unfortunately can't spend much time there anymore due to her age and strength, and I do know that she dreams that it stays in the family.....

So back to the story........of course I blurt out my desire to T and we start discussing it.....he seemed to be really taking to the idea..........so I quickly ran with it..........made a few calls...arranged a visit to my Moms church which I knew of course would lead to a quick trip to the cottage just to check it out.....hehe

Then it began..........as soon as I heard T say....I like it, I really like it......it needs a fresh coat of paint maybe some new floors....but other than that it is great.................YIPEE....okay here I go....before I had even talked to my Grandma about this I had purchased 3 cottage living magazines and was dreaming about how I would transform this into our awesome vacation destination....ahhhh I love this........

Everyday I would have something new...."T I went down into my storage and found some furniture that will be just PERFECT at the cottage..and how great we don't need to buy anything new..wink wink....oh T I think we should paint everything white and then have a really great green accent wall...... oh I want to do a wall of all old pics from our years at the cottage when we were kids...... oh and I would like to get some old vintage metal letters that spell out beach and have them on this wall on this shelf that we will buy opps okay just one shelf from ikea...... and do you know that I can have a vegetable garden now.....ahhhh this is just so great isn't it"..............and that is when he said it......my god M you are already on Stage 8 you are accessorizing and we don't even know if we are going to do this for sure..........

hahaha thats right buddy, that's what I do............I get an idea and I run with it.....now you see T...when the deal is done...we have all our choices made....no need to waste time here...paint colors check, floor choice check....furniture placement check....ahh this is going to be so much fun!!! hehe

So hopefully this will all work out.....I have spoken with my Grandmother(I did do that very early on)lol and she is super excited....and all the rest of the family knows and seems to be keen....oh I dream of getting the place fixed up and having a family day there that my Grandmother could come too.....everyone would be there and she could just see that her cottage was still going to be a family place.....ahhh it would be so great.........(see I get down the the little details don't it)!! We are meeting with her next Sunday to discuss the details...

I kind off feel like a soldier ready and waiting to go to well, not war that sounds awful, maybe more like a sprinter waiting at the starting line waiting for the shot to be fired...whatever... I am ready to take on the cottage... TSP, paint brush and rubber gloves in hand.....out with the old and freshen the place up so we all can start enjoying it again..I just need the go ahead...stay tuned!!

m:)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

the big "SALE".....


So tomorrow is the day... the ClEaN clOsEt EveNT.....too funny, I really still can't believe I am doing this...


After the salon cleared out today...we cleared all the shelves and starting getting things out.....wow so much stuff.....my MIL and another stylist put some stuff in too.....so there is a ton!

I think it should be fun...I already have made about 150 dollars for charity....just from the girls at work purchasing some things....I am feeling so good about this part.....it will be awesome to give this money to a good cause.....and the stuff left over I have decided to give to a Womens Shelter here in the city!


I will post pics and a final tally tomorrow!


m :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

comparatively speaking....

Something has been on my mind lately........this thing we "humans" do.....this jealousy thing...this always comparing ourselves to our neighbours thing......why is it that we feel we have to keep up with the "JONE'S"????

I would like to sit here and tell you that that never happens to me....but I would be lying if I said I don't ever get a twinge of jealousy when I see one of my friends or peers purchase or receive something I think I might like.....sure it happens....but I do not let it control me.
If and when I do feel like this I try to remember how lucky I am, I think about the things I do have and how grateful I am for them. I have been very fortunate in my life..... I do not ever remember wanting for anything...now that is not to say that as a child if I said I wanted a ridiculous toy or piece of clothing I would get it...but if I needed something it would be there.
I have also been fortunate enough to always have had a well paying job so yes I have been able to afford most things that I felt I needed or wanted...........clearly I have gone overboard in the clothing department but we are taking care of that this Sunday.....hint hint CLeAn CloSeT EvENt wink wink.....

What I am getting at here is I just can't understand why some people let what other people have or do consume them......I had an encounter with someone today that I just can't get out of my head..and this has happened with this same person before......this little chat consisted of 10 mins of them telling me, how jealous they are of the things that I have........my friends, my career, my clothes, my everything....it made me SO uncomfortable...as it does every time this happens.......it makes me not want to share anything with this person, for fear that it is going to make them uncomfortable even if it is as simple as my husband and I went out for dinner on the weekend.....because that is not something "they do"!!!

I wish I could help this person.......but I can't seem to figure out how???

I really feel for them.........they are struggling........and at this point they seem to have this tendency to look at everyone else's lives and what others have, instead of being really happy and grateful for what they have.....and I can think of 2 very major things they have that I would give anything for....yes I am sure you can all guess what those 2 things are.........children.........
I would never say anything like that to this person, but I do wish they could look a bit deeper. Stop trying to make me feel bad about the choices I have made in my life to get my where I am. I think they need to concentrate on the things going on in there own life... celebrate there successes....think about what they would like to change and work on it, instead of worrying about what I am doing...

Time after time they do this to me and I am wearing down, my patience for it is wearing very thin..........I get that they try to hurt me because of there own insecurities....but man....it is driving me crazy.....the next time I hear "I really envy that" or "oh it must be nice to be able to do that" or just that look that I can see when I am talking....about nothing.....just very random things.....

I know I am not going to change this persons thoughts or actions, no matter what I say or do. It is unfortunate.......I think many relationships that could be thriving lasting friendships don't survive because of behaviour like this.......
One thing I know for sure is, I am going to really try to keep this in check for myself....celebrate my life and my successes and the things I hold near and dear....not worry about what everyone else has or is doing. That is just valuable time wasted! Time that I can continue to work on my own life and my own goals....

m :)

Monday, March 9, 2009

Weekly Recap.....

So I have decided that on Monday's I am going to recap my week......I know some of you are thinking what the heck???...Monday...well folks I'm a Tues to Sat "workin girl"........so you know that sinking feeling you get at about 4 o clock on a Sunday afternoon........just right about the time you are starting to feel really relaxed...you remember ugghhhh it's Monday tomorrow, the boss is calling.... it is time to get your buns back to work........well that is me right now......late Monday afternoon....just had a great day doing my thing and I just remembered...yep gotta pay the bills, so I must get back to work....:)

So this is really the last few hours of my "week/ weekend"!

Here goes, here are the highlights of my week.........

-so of course last Tues I had off...yeah....hmmm how could I make that happen every week???

-the big event of that day was getting the old legs looked after...the dreaded veins.....and yes I am still stuffing my "stumps" into the beloved compression stockings and walking 1/2 hour right after I get out of bed and 1/2 right before I go to bed.....so fun...I have actually bumped it up to running...hopefully that is allowed...??

-found 3 more huge baskets of clothes in the basement on my salon....OMG this whole clean closet thing is getting crazy...I have already sold a few things...yipee....feels so good to get rid of this stuff.....and make another persons day.......although it is a bit curious watching your pants walk in front of you on someone else's behind.......especially when they look better on the other behind??? :)

-got word from our social worker that there are NO babies in site....ughhh there hasn't been one in our area since the beginning of Sept.....so the waiting patiently continues.......

-only had 1 super annoying person ask me the dreaded..."so have you heard anything yet, why would it have happened for so and so, so quickly and it is taking you and your husband such a long time....are you doing something wrong...are you not talking to the right people"??
"oh gosh.... thankyou for finally noticing, we are doing something wrong...we were just waiting to see how long it would take for someone to notice....now we will go and do what we are supposed too and it will happen for sure by next week"........lady bug off....please don't ask me stupid questions...clearly we are doing everything we can.........everything we know how to do to make this adoption happen....aghhgghhh

-had sushi night with my brother and his girlfriend on Sat night........so so so good....yummy food and great company!

- went to my Mom's church on Sunday.....mmm I like it there....I have been really thinking about finding a church and I think I know why I just never seem to find a good fit for me...because I really want to go to my Mom's church, that is were I feel very comfortable....but it is about an hour drive away which is a bit much every Sunday morning....so how will we make that work.....hmmm.... more on that to follow.....:)

-so the last "event" of our week is that we have decided to do a detox.....YIKES....we started this morning, we are doing the Wild Rose D-tox....so no sugar, no rubber candy, no wheat, no preservatives, no booze....for 12 days.......lots of veggies...almonds, fish, water....etc...hmm sounds like fun doesn't it...I have done cleanses before so I know the drill and I can't wait to feel that light healthy feeling 12 days from now..........I will spare you the gory details....but light was the operative word there, use your imagination people.....hehe

So that is about it.......gearing up for another busy week........my clean closet sale is this Sunday so lots going on to deter me from the candy cupboard.....hopefully!!!!

m :)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

the other side!

I had a really interesting conversation at work yesterday with one of my clients. Now one thing that you will find interesting is that this conversation was with one of my male clients! I have had this husband and wife "team" as clients for a few years now....it started as they all do, the wife started coming to me and then finally after much nagging on her part she convinced her husband that a "hair salon" is not a place to be feared....no one would bite, scare or hurt him he needed to go and get a proper haircut!! lol


So he and I started our relationship..........slowly at first, you must be very gentle with these men that have spent 40+ years at a Barber Shop....but with time he has become very comfortable with me and we can chat away for the full half hour with ease, not to mention he has a killer new stylish do!!!


So yesterday "G" asked me if my husband and I were going to have any children.............hmmm interesting and thoughtful I thought, that he would even care to ask......as I am typing this I am thinking how funny that is.....the fact that I think it is thoughtful that he cared to ask.........I would venture to guess that if a women caught me on the wrong day and asked that question I would think she was just a nosey gossip..and would want to ripe her eyes out...lol...the mind is one crazy thing..... anyways on with the story!!!

So he asked and I answered, telling him our story! He looked at me with tears starting to well up in his eyes and said.........my wife and I wanted to adopt too. We unfortunately couldn't have children naturally, my wife being a teacher adored children and I had always wanted tons of kids running around! It was such a shock when we found out that we couldn't conceive.......but we were determined so we went through the adoption process.
I was stunned at what he was sharing with me, but also I am well aware of the fact that these two do not have any children........of course over the last couple of years I have wondered about that..and just assumed that it was a choice they had made.........that they were happy and content without them!
"G" went on to explain how strenuous the process was for them......the waiting was so hard on them both........they waited and waited for 4 years and then had to relocate to a different city for his job.........of course they expected that there files would just be transferred to this new city and they would continue on waiting.....they even felt new hope that maybe this was a path they had to take to get to there "child".............but unfortunately they were stunned to find out that because they had changed districts they would have to do ALL the paperwork again..........I do know how excruciating that is.......I don't know what it was like back then but obviously from their reaction it was not something they wanted to do again!

So after a lot of soul searching he said they decided to end there wait and put there dream of being parents to rest..........

WOW...........you know I surround myself with people that are either waiting or have had success with adoption.....never people that have been through this process but have not had success.....this was an interesting perspective for me to hear!

I did feel comfortable with him so I asked the question....now looking back I can't believe I asked this....but I did....so do you have any regrets??? I know gutsy of me.......but he answered with heart and courage.....he said "Michelle, you can never have regrets......at the time that was the right decision for us...we just couldn't do it anymore.....we have had a wonderful life....we enjoy each other, we have tons of fun together.....we have been able to do things that other couples that have children have not.....travelled places...done exactly what we want when we want.....do I ever think about how our life would be if we had been chosen to parent a child..... absolutely....but that was not Gods plan for us and he knows what is right and wrong.........we believe that very strongly.......God is what has got us through this....has made us stronger people...a stronger couple...together."

Well I am so glad I asked that question.............I truly hope this is not our outcome, I actually have tears running down my cheeks as I write this.......gosh I don't want this to be our story....but I do believe God has a plan.....our plan and we will just have to WAIT with patience, enjoy this time we have together and carry on......hoping and praying......

m:)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I'm in Compression Depression or is it Obsession??

I've been compressed for the 2nd time..........that's right I went for my 2nd round of treatments on these hideous stumps I refer to as my legs........man I still can't believe how ugly these things are.......and to top them off literally with varicose veins is just cruel.....this is a mean mean trick god.......lol

If you missed my first experience at the dreaded vein clinic..here it is... blogginstyle.blogspot.com/2009/01/bright-lightsbiglegs.html

So my visit started out fine, I was actually very calm about it. Seeing that my first visit was not painful at all........now don't get me wrong..I am not anymore comfortable with people seeing my legs.....nope not at all, but I know this is what I have to do, or my legs will never have a chance of seeing the light of day again! So in I went!
Of course before an event like this, you have to do a really thorough "prep", we must remember that my whole lower half was going to be out in the open......and lets be honest it is March and these legs have been covered up with layers of clothing for about 6 months. They are as white as a babies bum.......that in combination with the veins and the cellulite..........ahhhh not pretty...so I tried to make them as pretty as possible.......put a little self tanner on, shaved every inch(which by the way is a big job..many many inches to cover)!!! So I was ready to go...they were as good as they were going to get........

So I entered the treatment room..........and just to clarify so you all get a "vision" here, the lights are not any dimmer they are still as bright, nope they wouldn't want to miss a detail, oh man...at this point I can feel my palms starting to feel a bit clamy....but no time for that....up on the platform I went, gown hiked up to my waist....and my DR and a nurse squatting below me taking a peek..........can you picture this people????
Honestly come on this is so funny I actually let out a little giggle...I just couldn't believe I was in this position.....as I was giggling I happened to look out the big picture window in the room............and then I saw it, my husbands Grandparents balcony......ahhhhhhh what the heck....I knew that T's Grandparents lived very close to the clinic but I guess I had lost my bearings in this big building, I had NO idea that there balcony would be looking straight into my treatment room......hahhaha so I let out the biggest laugh......the Dr said oh Michelle are you okay.....oh yeah I said "just wondering if my Grandparents in-law are enjoying the show."......lord what I get myself into.....

So then it was time to hop onto the treatment bed.......now the vein that they are treating is a big sucker...it literally travels down my entire "stump"...lol....so they started with the upper half and now are starting the bottom half.......sort of the side of my knee.......well if I have a most hated part of my legs it would be my flabby knees....like who even knew that was possible to have flabby knees but I do......
So at this point the Dr was trying to get me into the best position to inject this area......this is where I broke out into hysterical laughter.....seriously she had be perched on my side....in a very sort of.... well, in my opinion a position that you might find in a playboy magazine........
but this would be one of those gag gift calendars...come on you know the type you can picture it now can't you....believe me I couldn't contain myself, I was laughing so hard just imagining what these 2 ladies look at in a day........
Of course they were laughing with me, while trying to convince me that they only look at peoples veins not anything else........well I burst out "how could you not, this is just too funny.....and seriously I must be maturing because 5 years ago I would never ever have done this".

A- to be put in this most awkward postion..
B- for the annoyance of those damn compression stockings that you are going to stuff me in, in about 5 mins.....

who does this to themselves.......what a woman won't do for good legs!!!

m :)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Thanks MOM!!

My parents are away this week, and for anyone that reads this regularly you know that I hate when my parents are away....lol
yes I am aware that I am a grown adult, all 34 years of me...but I still miss them like I did when I was 4....hehe

anyways we email back and forth each day....today in my Mom's email she ended her message with a quote that she had come across in her daily morning devotions........it is funny when something is sent your way at the most perfect moment.....Thanks Mom!!!

"we do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them..."

Simone Weil

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I've created a monster and that monster is ME!!!

Okay so this "cLEaN CLoSeT EvenT" is really taking on a life of it's own... I sent out an email and a facebook message this morning to tell people about what I was doing(honestly it is still making me giggle that I am actually doing this)... but already in a matter of a couple hours I have had ton of response....a few people are going to be away on the day that I am holding it, so they have asked me if I could get some stuff together for them that I think they might like...hehe this is just so fun.........I feel like a personal shopper...yet it is in the comfort of my own closet....but this seems to be where the problem lies.....

......I am starting to find myself heading back into my closest, thinking oh I think so and so might like this...hmmm maybe I will put that in the bag for her to try....or well I don't actually really wear this and I think it would look so great with this, that is already in the pile of stuff to go........THIS MUST STOP.....as my husband calmly said to me last night...."this is all really really great Michelle but remember you do still need some clothes to wear yourself"...hmmm he does really have a point here doesn't he.......
......but you see what he does not get(or at least I hope he hasn't figured this out yet) is that this mind of mine works in a very mysterious way....every time I take another top or pair of not so loved capris out of the line-up...I think hmmm this is great....now so much more room for something new....it is like my subconscious mind is working overtime here...planning the next huge shopping trip...hehe
...the other problem lies in the fact that I just can't do things simply...."T" did asked me on the phone yesterday as I was giving him all my details in a very high-pitched excited voice, "now Michelle this whole thing isn't going to cost you money right.. this "event" (said with a bit of sarcasm) is not going to cost $100 right"???

Oh no, no not at all......YIKES......It is like I am hosting a huge event or something....I have called a rental company for some coat racks so I can display things properly...I ran out of my price tags last night so I ran out to get some more....I could have made do with just some scrap paper and safety pins...but no that wouldn't have been good enough for me, now would it....it has to match, all go together......HELLO MICHELLE you are having a glorified yard sale...honestly get a grip......

I even caught myself in the shower this morning thinking about a cool playlist I could put together for some fun "shopping music"......oh and maybe I should have something to drink for everyone..........seriously....what the heck is wrong with me????

So as I sit here and type I am trying to get a grip.......I do actually like most of my clothes in my closets and well clearly my social calendar is not busting at the seams, but I do still need some fun clothes.......I do need to go to work everyday....so I think I will officially stop the search....my closets are off limits.....what is on our guest bed, and floor and hanging of the doors and drawers.........(this is obscene) but that is it....no more.....hmmmm but what about that basket with some fun hats and scarves....maybe I should just take a quick peak......lol

cheers...and happy shopping.......
m :)

Monday, March 2, 2009

{CLeaN CloSeT EvEnt}

Alright I have had enough........it was time, I just couldn't stand it anymore...things were getting out of hand...trying to stuff things in, not to mention trying to find something that was a total nightmare.....I never knew which one to look in....it was a mess...things from years ago were tangled up with something new....ahhhhh I could just scream!!!!!@@@@!!!!




So yesterday I finally started the job that has been hanging over my head for some time now..........I went through my closets.......yes that's right I said closets...........:) I feel shame...it is crazy....so, so many clothes...so many that I don't wear..........my weight has been ever changing for my whole life so I always have something that will fit no matter how much I have eaten....lol

I don't know what got into my yesterday, but I just could not stand it anymore.........I needed to clean house.....

As I was going through all this stuff something dawned on me, I am sure it was spurred on by the movie I watched on Monday night... the Shopaholics movie.............anyways I was thinking to myself, man there is some really nice stuff here...stuff that I have never worn...stuff that still has tags on it...........good grief..........so an idea started to form in my head.............

I have a store..........I have the clothes, why don't I have a sale.........why don't I sell all of this....or at least give people a chance to buy some of this stuff at a next to nothing price......as I kept thinking about it....I thought yeah this is a good idea but does it seem greedy, does it seem like it is just a money grab for me??? I don't want people to think that I am just out to get money for my leftover stuff...... hmmmm so I thought well this is great I am always trying to figure out ways that I can make a difference so I will give half the money I raise (which might be nothing or may be a good amount, who knows) to a charity that is important to us!!!???? We have so many people in our family that suffer from heart problems so I think the Heart and Stroke Foundation will be the one I choose......

So it has begun...I am running around like crazy getting everything cleaned and ready to be taken away.....I am putting prices on everything.....and I am going to open my shop doors on a Sunday in March and sell all this stuff......I have shoes, tons of tops and sweaters, jeans....brand names like guess, mexx, point zero.......tons of stuff...purses, accessories.........wow..........I can't believe how much stuff is here.....

Who knows if anyone will come.....but I think it is a good way for me just to get rid of everything...and I will be helping a great cause at the same time.........anything left over will go right to a clothing donation company that gives items away.... meaning they don't make any money on them.........I want the stuff that is left to be given to people that really really need it!! Which I know right now is so many people.....so many people suffering in these economic times!!!

So for any readers out there that live in my area..........give me a message to tell me that you are interested in coming to my first ***CLEAN CLOSET EVENT**** and I will send you the details!!!
m :)
ps...for all of you that have given me sooooo much support over the last few days...I thank-you...you are all the best.....I'm so glad that I have continued with this blog...to be able to communicate with so many people that do "get it", and for people just giving me encouragement, love and support..........THANK-YOU.... xoxo!!!