Sunday, February 7, 2010

recap!

So now that the traffic has died down a bit on here, I feel compelled to address what happened on this blog last week. "Blogging" is such an interesting thing....so many stories to be told...so many opinions to be heard. My first reaction last week when I started receiving such negative comments about my post was to forget this whole blogging thing and move on........after I calmed down and started really thinking about it I realized that no that was not what I wanted to do at all.

I learn so much from everyone's different opinions in the blogging world, I don't want to give that up. Even from the most negative hurtful comments there are lessons to be learned.

I have a very open mind..........I want to learn all I can about adoption...I feel that there are millions of stories to be told.........some positive, some negative.......and yes I want to hear them. This is why I have searched out couples that have fostered, adopted domestically, adopted internationally.....birthmothers....adult adoptees.....I have searched for these people and asked them about their stories........I want to hear it all......if we are ever lucky enough to become an adoptive family I want to be prepared....to raise a child the best way we can.........


There are a few things I want to specifically address from last weeks post and comments......first off.......last Friday Jan 19th I was having a very hard day.....a very hard couple of weeks....things I talked about in that post were my raw emotions from that time.....I was feeling angry....I was feeling sad and discouraged.......yes that is exactly how I was feeling that day.....I'm entitled, just like everyone else is entitled to their feelings..........to come on to my blog and judge my whole personality from that one post is just ridiculous.....to call me a selfish bitch, entitled cow, stupid idiot.....well I think that is just plain immature.........never in my life have I searched out blogs of differing opinions and thrown out crazy insults when trying to get someone to see my side of the story.....never!!! If anytime in the future you would like my attention....which by the way I welcome....please do in a bit more mature manner........believe me I will take the things you are saying to me a bit more seriously!

I received a few comments...some very harsh and negative asking me why we were waiting for a domestic adoption.....that there are so many children out there that need a home and why were we being so selfish waiting for that perfect baby........believe me this is something we struggle with everyday....I see the need in our country, in my own town........I see it loud and clear.......but when I dig deep in my heart I am not sure that I would be the best mother for these children....at this point in my life I just don't know......I suppose it stems from the fact that I, just like most women want to raise a child from infancy.......I want to share in all those moments that come with bringing a baby home and raising them together. I suppose to some this sounds very selfish........I can't tell anyone what is going to happen in our future........there may come a time that bringing an older child or a child with special needs into our home, building a family with them will seem absolutely right to us.........I don't know.........but right now it does not........I won't apologize for this.....I know many people will have opinions about this....call me whatever you want but I will not get into a situation where I don't think I would be doing the best thing for a child...baby, toddler, teen...any age....not ever.

I suppose I could go on and on about last weeks comments.......there were so many, I did learn a great deal from some and some just seemed like a few very angry people trying to bully others into thinking the way they do.........I think I am going to end this with a quote that a fellow blogger gave me........."opinions are like assholes, EVERYONE has one".....and I guess that is the great thing about this thing we call life, we are all different....we are all going to have different experiences in life that make us who we are....lets just live and let live!

I have now enabled the comment moderation.....so really if you are planning on bashing me don't bother I won't publish anything that is disrespectful or hurtful.....if however you would like to give me your opinions so I can grow and learn from them please do.

m

15 comments:

Sheila's 2010 Adventures said...

You are a better person by carrying on! Proud of you.

Anonymous said...

Michelle: As always ...I am so proud to call you "MY daughter!" Love you, Mom.

issycat said...

Well, I made a comment and you didn't like it so you deleted it. So I responded on my own blog. I don't really see how *I* am the immature one but whatever gets you through the day I guess.
If you don't want people to have an opinion on the things you are writing (and even you have to admit that the post was questionable) then perhaps you shouldn't be writing them on a blog that is open to the world.
And honestly, if my opinion has hurt you so, how are you ever going to handle the questions and differing opinions from a child you adopt? Because believe me, children, even biological ones don't always agree with their parents.
I mean, people have come on my blog and told me I should have been an abortion, you want to talk about nasty? That's nasty.
Whatever, I'm sorry your feelings were so hurt but I am not sorry for the way I feel about that particular post.
As you said yourself, you are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine.
I wish you peace. Truly.

Rebekah said...

Welcome to the game.

I'll never understand why people can't just move on when they read something they don't like. I've had the craziest, most absurd, insults hurled my way - everything from being compared to a child molester to an enraged, baby stealing wench.

Some nasty comments make me laugh, others sting. My rule? The minute you detect ugly, DELETE. Stop reading. It's not worth your time. I don't address, respond, post, or acknowledge receipt of any such comments, they go right in the garbage where they belong.

Hang in there. You still have a cheerleading section.

Dionne said...

Dang! People actually said stuff like that to you on your own blog? Those sort of people just need to grow up!

Corey Family said...

Michelle - I wanted to let you know that I recieved some of the "EXACT" same comments last week. Not as many as you but I did not reply to mine I just deleted. For the first time ever I was surprised to find not so nice comments and like you I switched my blog to have to review all comments before they post. I am so glad you didn't decide to shut down your blog b/c I really enjoy following you and it's great to have "cyber-friends" that are in exactly the same place we are. It's hard to not let those comments get to us but chin up! You know the reasons for your choices and you are comfortable with them, don't let anyone make you feel unsure of that. BIG HUGS!!!!!

Brooke said...

i can't believe the audacity of people.

the bottom line is only you (and your hubby of course) know what's best for your family. for anyone else to assume otherwise is selfish on their part!

Sarah said...

OMG Michelle - seriously, thoses ASSES and that's the only way they can be described, that have nothing better to do than lurk on your blog.....wtf?? Ignore them because seriously, they have no life if they have nothing better to do than comment on a strangers blog.
I will give my 2 cents - as an adoptive mother of 2 children - private open adoption - you can only adopt a child that feels right to you. Sure you can go overseas, Haiti, CAS etc...but it's no ones business but yours where you decide to adopt. You know what you can handle. And you are a wonderful person. Your blog is wonderful - is there a way you can make it that people you don't know can't comment on it? You don't need to listen to their crap.
Hugs,
Sarah

Campbell said...

Good for you to be willing to keep an open mind and for knowing that there's much to learn.

Internet bullies have been around for ages, in chat, various messaging venues, social networks and of course now in blogging. I do think it's unintentional sometimes and although it's a bold, sometimes precarious way to communicate with strangers, I agree that it's very interesting and have learned tons myself.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you make your blog private and only allow friends & family view it? My blog used to be out there for the world to see and then I made it private - less stressful!


Just my 2 cents.

michelle said...

I have seriously contemplated going private....I have actually done it once and then changed my mind....I love my family and friends, love having their support...however they are not the people that are teaching me new things, showing me the different sides to stories, giving me new opinions on the things that are important to me right now....and ultimately that is what this blog is to me....not just a place to record my feelings and thoughts but to learn, to learn from other people....

m :)

Erica said...

Man, I read through some of those comments and I was shocked. You are right...those people were just bitter and trying be bullies. Their anonimity makes them bold. They wouldn't say that crap to your face. The fact that they can hide behind their computer and their screen name makes them embolden to call a total stranger hateful names. And you are right...to judge you by one single post is just ridiculous.

But why waste another minute on it? Right? :)

You are doing just like any mom would do...asking questions and trying to prepare yourself as best you can. You've got nothing to apologize for.

Those people apparently need some counseling and need to be looking elsewhere for it.

Erica

Wendi said...

Michelle, I applaud your decision to remain public. Inflammatory comments are common on all blogs, and if you didn't know before, you do now, that adoption as a topic is absolutely incendiary. There is so much anger among adoptees and birthmothers. Some of us have been damaged profoundly by the experience of relinquishing a child for adoption or being adopted. I read your post that day and was offended by it, but chose not to respond, and chose also not to warn you about the comments I was sure you would get. I would encourage you to educate yourself about the issues in adoption, so that you not only know completely what you're getting into, but also so that you might find other ways to express your frustration in ways that aren't so hurtful to other people involved in the adoption triad. You're right - this is your blog and you don't have to be respectful or even aware of the other points of view, but if you really want to have meaningful dialogue and learn everything you can, as you say, then it might be helpful to so some research. I read your blog because I haven't shared your experience in this realm, and I would like to hear your point of view. I believe you are open-minded, and that is a wonderful thing. We can all learn from each other and make adoption a better experience for all of us if we can remain open, patient, and respectful. I think you're doing that, and I encourage you to continue. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Michelle,
Boy, I'm out of the loop! I wasn't aware you had received so many nasty comments. Some of the comments are just ridiculous.

What bothers me most about the haters is that they can't see the forest for the trees...that maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who CAN make adoption work, that there ARE success stories. Or, that there are birthmothers out there who lovingly and willingly chose adoption as a path for their children.

It is troublesome that the world is so black and white for these people, and that they paint everyone with the same brush.

I wholeheartedly agree with other commenters who suggest you shouldn't waste your time reading these posts, and certainly shouldn't respond. You're not spreading hate on their blogs, so don't allow it on yours, either.

Giantspeedbump

Holly said...

How sweet is your mom??

That's all I got.