Tuesday, July 13, 2010

with a sad heart......

"Good things come to those who wait"....."never give up hope"...."all things happen for a reason"......."better things ahead", these are just a sampling of some of my favorite cliches.....irritating to hear I know, but thankfully I have experienced enough in my life to know that they are all true....."this too shall pass"....

This is a blog I hoped I would never have to write. As I am typing my heart is sad and my head is very disappointed. As you can tell by now our matched has not worked out. "N" has decided to parent her baby. Yes we are very sad but as I have always said we can absolutely understand why. This baby will have just as much love in her home as it would in ours... for that we find comfort.

What has disappointed us is the fact that someone we had come to trust has not even informed us that she has given birth yet. For some reason unknown to us "N" it seems has fallen off the face of the earth, or so she would like us to believe.......thankfully our SW has some connections that were kind enough to inform us that "N" had her baby late Sat night and went home on Sunday....she told the hospital that she had considered adoption early on, but changed her mind a few months ago....which is all very interesting because it was a few months ago that she contacted us. We are not angry, we are not mad.... we are just confused as to why in this day and age with all the technology in this world...email, answering machines....social workers at your doorstep why you couldn't just tell us earlier and not let us think something so positively for so long.
We have to believe that she knew no other way to handle it, she felt this was all she could do. I pray that she as well as "T" and I can find peace with that.

There really isn't much more to say.....we will now regroup, try and find the lessons in all of this and move on. I do know for sure that in the end it will all make sense.


Rebekah said...

I'm sorry, friend. Such a hard dynamic. I understand the tearing of your heart. On one had it's great news. It's great the mommy and baby get to have a natural, God-intended relationship, but on the other hand it's sad that your hopes were taken on such a raging roller coaster ride.

I get it.

This is all such grown-up stuff to have to deal with. Not fun at all.

Donna said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been following your blog for a while but don't post comments often. My husband and I have recently have some disappointing news as well. It is hard to move on, and to understand why, but I agree with you that there must a reason and a lesson to find somewhere. But for now, just feel whatever you are needing to feel. And we keep reminding ourselves that as crazy as this process is at times, it does work. We see happy families created through adoption online and in real-life all the time. One day it will be your family too. Take care.

H said...

You're saying all the right things. And they really are true. But I know the slicing that your heart feels. Take the time you need to be hurt, mad, and sad. In the end, that actually helps. This was real, and it's a real loss. But also know this, my friend...things will get better. Even when it feels like they won't...they WILL. I promise. Praying for God's arms around you, and peace as you go through these days. You are being very strong...love you!

Melba said...

Oh I'm so, so sorry Michelle! There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, short of all the cliches you already mentioned. And those don't exactly assuage the pain, now do they?

I am thinking of you and hoping/praying that YOUR right miracle baby comes SOON!



Maricris Zen Mama said...

So sorry to hear this. It's really heartbreaking. I wish that the wound it created in your heart and mind heals soon.

Giantspeedbump said...

This is sad news, and I'm sorry. What a let down after building that hope up. We've been there too. It sucks!
I agree with commenter "H", you are taking a strong, positive approach but it IS okay to be angry and to grieve. When we had a scenario fall through I was "fine" for a while, or so I thought, but then started getting very irritable, and our wonderful therapist at the time reminded me we'd experienced a loss and it was manifesting itself...it was a major "a-ha" moment!
So while I won't throw a cliche at you, I do hope you honour your emotions and encourage you not to downplay or diminish your hurt.