Monday, July 19, 2010

lost........

I have to be honest, we are feeling very lost. We know that we should be feeling something but nothing seems right. Our world is off it's axes....one day we wake up, jumping out of bed with a mission on the mind...others we can barely drag ourselves out, feeling like the night passed us by with not a wink of sleep...making day to day tasks very difficult. I have always been the type of person that takes one day to regroup....take the day eat junk, drink wine...stay in bed, cry...shut everyone out, all the while knowing that the next day things will look brighter, clearer and I will carry on.

Well last week I think I did a pretty good job at pretending that was what was happening.....now 7 days later I know that this is not the case. In this situation, it is hard to know what is an appropriate feeling.....we know that we are sad....and disappointed....we are not mad, but then sometimes I am and feel guilty....I am envious of others that have had an easy go...and I know that that is terrible and not right....and not me.......I know that my heart feels broken....mostly when I look at T and see his "sad eyes"...........we are not this couple, we are positive people....happy...caring.......we are not broken down people.....so this is why we are finding this very difficult.
Of course everyone says nice things...."oh better things will come", "one door closed another opens"...and I know logically all of this is true....but I think right now we will just have to let ourselves feel all that we have to.....hopefully soon, we will be able to dust ourselves off and contemplate doing this all over again....because right now this is not the case.

I really appreciate all the comments and emails that I have been getting from all of you....you are all so so sweet....however, I know how this post sounds...yes I am having a down day..a day that I feel life isn't fair....and I know that some that read this blog will look, read this and take it all the wrong way....so feel free to do so...but I am removing the comments to this post...because quite frankly I just don't need to hear what you think of me right now.....so this time you can read, think what you want, and carry on....

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