Well well well today has been a very interesting day!
It amazes me still how in just one instant your day, your mood....your whole outlook on your situation can change....in a flash!
Today has been one of those days for me, yes I have been feeling tired, blue unusually down...wondering why and saying over and over it's just not fair and then getting those punch you in the gut reminders that your life is pretty darn good...comparatively speaking to the wonderful woman I just met, that went in for a mastectomy today.....or the daughter that is about to lose her father to cancer...all those moments that make me wake up and realize this too shall pass and what is meant to be will be!!
But today finally I feel a bit better about our situation.........it is funny how innocently this all transpired, yet how much better it has made me feel.....I have been feeling very self conscious about us and this whole adoption thing...funny how reading others stories and seeing other profiles and hearing things from clients and coworkers can make you go from a very confident business women back to the chubby self conscious preteen that I once was.....yes I remember those days very well and do not want to go back. That was it though, I was doubting us....thinking negatively instead of pushing the power of positive thinking!!!
So today I emailed our social worker to tell her that we had contacted a lawyer that she had recommended.....thinking we should open up some new doors....I also said that we would be adding some stuff to our profile now that we have the cottage etc....I wondered if she could see any other changes we should make to our profile while we were at it!
Her reply to say the least was much more than I had ever anticipated...I am sure she could sense my frustration even via email, so she replied saying I think I should tell you about this situation...soooooo.....it turns out our profile had been shown to a couple just last week and the feedback was very very positive....ultimately the couple decided to keep the baby, which honestly knowing a bit about the situation I think was the best thing......in some crazy way this made us feel better, least this was a bit of action...
After so long of nothing it is just nice to hear that someone out there thought we looked okay, thought we could actually parent a child........I was starting to feel so insecure about this whole thing....it was making me nuts...I know it must sound so weird that we are actually feeling better after a failed match....but knowing all the details surrounding this situation, I truly feel this is the way it was supposed to work out...for various reasons!
Our social worker also told us we are making history here....the first time ever that this area has gone almost a year without a match....wow...not good, we need to change this...and fast!!!
what a time to join this long list of waiting couples.....but in the words of our social worker...this is how she ends all of her emails to me......"remember you are my ONLY childless couple....hang in there we will still keep plugging away"!!!! lol
So that has been our day.....you just never know what is about to happen....a good reminder for us really.....don't get to comfortable it could all change in one instant......:)