Monday, August 10, 2009

praying for a miracle.....

This past weekend has confirmed something for me....I am absolutely positive that I want to be a MOM....

Now for everyone that is reading this, and those who follow regularly, this is not a "Michelle is sad" post...this is not about me being depressed about not having had a successful adoption yet....I hope that this will happen for us obviously....I am frustrated that it hasn't...I am jealous that a couple I know who has also been waiting, decided to go another route and have just picked up their 15month old baby boy...I am nervous that all the other couples that have been waiting the same amount of time or even less time, are going to pass us by...I am HUMAN...I am thinking positive....so you don't have to continue on reading and feel pity for me....
This post is about the fact that I have been doubting myself..I've been sizing up the "competition", I know that sounds terrible but I have! I have been scouring other profiles and comparing us to them...thinking oh no they are younger...or they are older, they are prettier or they have more money or they vacation in Hawaii every year...they live in a big house..their pictures are better....it is just crazy... I have been thinking that maybe the reason this hasn't happened for us is because of me, I have been wondering if our lack of success is because I am not "supposed" to be or am not good enough to be a MOM...I know that this all sounds crazy but this is how I have been feeling......

So this weekend has been a wonderful change of events for me personally...mentally.....it has confirmed that this is absolutely, not a doubt in my mind what I want.....this weekend we had our good friends and their 3 kids up to the cottage...for a sleepover....this family consists of a 7yr old girl and 4yr old identical twin boys....mischievous boys...crazy boys...lovable boys.....the greatest little girl.......so you do the math here.....3 kids, 4 adults, a tiny cottage, a beach, some sand a really really humid day.....what you end up with.... is one exhausted couple 24 hrs later......
We had so much fun.....these guys are nuts but even after all the chaos...the fighting over the dominoes..the frisbees in the head, the water hose being turned on and off multiple times....the crazy Vegas makeover I received....after 24hours of pure kid time...I know for sure that this is what I want...I really can't imagine not having this in our lives....after watching T interacting with these kids I knew this just has to happen for us.....I get that our lives will totally change....we want that change that joy you only get by being a parent!

This weekend was so good for me mentally.....I know that I can do this and want this and we deserve this just as much as the next couple...I do hope it is soon...obviously....please don't think I am not thinking positive and yes I do get sad sometimes....I can't help it....sometimes if I think about the times we are living in....the fact that in our society right now it is totally OKAY to be 15 years old, have and raise a child...or a 30something yr old to be totally ecstatic about her pregnancy after a one night stand...the fact that abortion is a totally accepted thing to do in our country.....all of these scenarios limit our chances of having a successful adoption....as my Mom said to me the other day...."I am praying for a miracle, because it seems in this day and age that is what it is going to take".....so today more than ever I am praying for that miracle!!!

8 comments:

Dionne said...

I am glad that you got to spend that time with the children, sounds like you loved every minute of it.

I am definitely praying for you, and asking that God blesses an awesome child with you as their mother.

Erica said...

I know that you will be a great mom. I can tell just by the way you talk about it...it's gonna happen and I'm so glad you haven't given up. I'm praying for your miracle, too.

Erica

Anonymous said...

I hope every person that enjoys tuning into Michelle's blog will say a prayer today for Terry and Michelle asking God to bless them with a miracle because that is what having children in your life definitely is no matter what way they become a member of your family. I should know. I was blessed with two of them and then many more that have come into our lives through different avenues since. Michelle's Mom

Jamie D said...

So glad you had a great weekend Michelle... and yes I think you're right! There are no two people more deserving to raise a child than you two! Maybe it's taking a bit, but the kid who does end up really has won the "adoption lottery".

the "mom" said...

ok ... we will change our language. We will pray for our miracle baby not just for a baby. And if I could I would give you one myself you know.
You are going to be a great mom and it will happen.
And never ever think that you are not pretty enough, successful enough or any of that, you are amazing inside and out!!
divine timing..... it is going to happen.

sarah m said...

I have no doubt that you will get your miracle! I know it's hard, but try not to look at other profiles/"competition". I had to stop b/c I was making myself sick. The bottom line is...YOU are the perfect mother for a sweet baby that God has already chosen for you. He will connect you when the time is right...I wish I knew when that was, b/c maybe then I'd know when ours was, too! :) Regardless, hang in there...I'm praying for your miracle! :)

Yaya said...

(((Hugs)))

And hubby and I find ourselves sizing up the competition too...I know it's not nice...

E said...

Your baby is "out there"...somewhere. Sending you positive thoughts that your dream comes true very soon.