I had someone ask me today a very thought provoking question. A client was asking me questions about adoption....various different things, which I thought was so great. She was very unaware of how things worked in our country when it came to adoption...domestically or internationally or even through the CAS system. As I was telling her all the ins and outs, and a little about our situation she looked at me and said "Michelle are you going to be alright if this doesn't happen for you"??
Now I know she was not saying this to be insensitive...she was being realistic....she could see the facts....the lack of babies...the lack of matches....the growing number of waiting couples....she genuinely wanted to know if I was going to be okay?
I looked at her and had to honestly say..."I don't know.....I just don't know.... but I hope so".
I have thought about this a lot obviously....it's not that I generally sit around thinking negatively....heck lots of times I am sitting daydreaming about baby names and what life would be like if we got the call and had to be ready in 24 hours...that is what I usually think about...but I do have those moments that sneak up on me, the cup half empty moments..the down moments, the sad moments..... and I wonder, will we be okay?
I know I always say, things will turn out to be how they are meant to be...how God intended them to be. I do have faith that somewhere along the way if this is not meant to be I will be okay with it....something will shift....my feelings will change....it will all work out.
I hope this is not what happens.....I can't even imagine that turn of events, where I would be okay with not having a child of our own to raise and love.......but I will continue to get the strength that I need on this journey from my faith, and believe that everything will be as it is to be!