Sunday, May 31, 2009

288.....

I don't know why I calculated this number today.....I hate adding, anyone that knows me well knows I hate anything to do with numbers. For some reason today though I decided that I needed to know....I needed to know the exact number......

I have done this once before in my life.......when I was in Grade 11 I did an Spanish Exchange program...I spent 3 months living with a family in Valencia Spain.....I know what you are all thinking....oh my how lucky...what a wonderful experience...and you are correct....I was very lucky, very fortunate to have this amazing chance and see what life was like in a different country...what it was like to live with another family and of course to learn a new language.....what sucked was...I WAS HOMESICK.....VERY VERY homesick.....uggg when I think of that time I am so disappointed in myself because I wasted my 3 months there worrying about going home and how long it would be until I got home....instead of enjoying the moments I was having.....anyways back to how this relates to my mathematical challenge I did today....
When I was in Spain I was so distraught that I actually figured out the exact amount of minutes...yes you read that right I calculated the minutes that I had to spend there.....I had it all laid out(graph form) in the back of my diary....which I still have by the way....I had the weeks, the days and the minutes all calculated...and I would tick them off day by day..agonizing about how many days and minutes I had left......I know very strange....

So today I got to thinking about our adoption.....about everything that has happened since our homestudy was finished....since we have been "waiting".....I started this blog, I have made some wonderful new friends through the blogging community, my girlfriend has had her baby...a beautiful baby boy, it feels like all my friends have become pregnant(I know that can't be true but after this week that is how it feels) and some have had babies....we have been busy creating a summer getaway spot to enjoy...we both have continued to better our businesses....and many other great things have happened over the course of waiting period thus far.....and then I thought......how long has it actually been.....for some reason today I needed to know the exact number of days.........

So the counting began......288.....that is the number.......wow....did I really think 288 days ago that it would take this long, I don't think so......back 288 days ago I was so naive....thinking that things would happen so quickly.....at that time I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach at the thought of maybe having a baby by Christmas time.....and then Christmas passed and I thought for sure my best girlfriend and I would be sharing the "newborn" experience together....well that has come and gone also....and now I have stopped imagining, I just won't let myself be disappointed again....so today I ask myself, what have I learned in the past 288 days??

Well I have learned that everything happens for a reason.....I have had many of those moments in the last 288 days....I think in many ways I have become a much more patient person.....and I do believe that whatever the amount of time we wait has a purpose.....God has a reason for this "waiting" time...obviously something just isn't quite right yet...we still have some things to do....and I truly believe this....this will happen when it is supposed to.....so instead of looking at that number and feeling sad I am going to look at that number and be thankful for this time that we have had as a couple, we have had a wonderful 288 days.....and even better we have had 288 more days to prepare ourselves to be the best parents we can be, when the time is right!

m:)

11 comments:

RB said...

Even though 288 is a big number, think of the number you DON'T know...the number of days you have left until your baby is with you. You may not know that number, but each day it is reduced by 1. You are getting closer :)

Melba said...

While we were waiting, it really comforted me to think about the fact that every day I had to wait for my baby was one day I would be a little bit better at being a mom. One day I would learn a little bit more, and be a slightly better version of myself.

I remember all those missed opportunities all too well - it was hard to watch and wait while other people were fulfilling their dreams all around me.

Hang in there...it will all make sense one day, and I hope that time comes soon for you!

Hugs,

Melba

Rebekah said...

I wrote a similar post, today. Today is Day 399 for us. I can't believe we've survived this long...

Like you, I thought we'd be picked fast...I actually thought we'd have a baby home by Christmas...

Every day your number gets bigger, is a day closer to your miracle baby. I have found the adoption average "12-18 months" of waiting, to be true with many people in this community. You're not too far away! Keep your chin up, your time is coming!!!

parentingBYdummies said...

Found you on SITS and just wanted to say hello. I was very touched by your post and wanted to say that I am hopeful that you will have your blessing soon. Sometimes (when there is crying, screaming, & fighting) I forget, for the briefest moment, to be thankful for the little dudes I have tearing through my home. You reminded me why I am lucky to have them even at those tough times. Thank you:)

Dionne said...

That is so good how you are looking for the growth you've experienced in this time, and how it's preparing you and making you a better parent. God knows what he's doing. It's like your in boot camp. It's all rough and hard, but it's all in preparation for when the big day comes.

Sally Bacchetta said...

Since I believe that every day prepares us for the days that follow, I guess I waited 15,161 days for our daughter and 15,786 days for our son. And STILL, I make mistakes! What's up with that?

If I count only the days between being certified and holding our children, we waited 270 days for our daughter and 690 for our son.

I promise you, you're getting closer and more prepared. Hang in there!

Erica said...

How funny... I was just looking at the ticker at the bottom of my blog {Sigh} So long since we decided to adopt. It's actually only been a few months since actively started the process, but it FEELS like forever. Just ramping yourself up for the process and then DOING it is a challenge. But I like what Melba said: each day I get better for our future angel. And when I'm ready, God will bring her/him to us. And who knows, the number left for ya could be smaller than you think!

Erica

Yaya said...

:(
Yes, a never ending roller coaster...
(((Hugs)))

BB said...

I just counted mine. 554 days. My wait is over but I looking back, it doesn't seem like that long now because of the enormity of what I was waiting for. I would wait 10 times as long if I knew it would lead me here.

That thought never made me feel very much better while I was waiting, but it is true!!

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

"That many had traveled farther and done so in finer style bothered me none. My journey was my own and I found it to be quite spectacular." ....who said that...I'm not sure...but I think it applies...you are having your own unique, spectacular journey...and the result will be magnificent!

michelle said...

THANK-YOU everyone for you words of comfort and support!!!

you all in your own way are helping me each and every day!!!

hugs!
m :)