Sunday, December 13, 2009

new friendship...brings new thoughts

In the past couple of weeks I have formed a friendship(or I think it is a friendship...lol) with a women that is a birthmother.....this has been an amazing experience for me, I will treasure this relationship always....not only as a new friendship but as someone that has opened my mind and my heart to some new thoughts and hopes!

The two of us have communicated over email....chatted on the phone, read each others blogs or websites....became facebook friends and through all of these different things, now know many things about each other!

At a time of year where I will be honest I am not feeling my best, there are more sad moments than happy.....this women has made me see the other side...."T"and I desperately want our dreams of a family to be fulfilled....we just can't imagine this not happening for us....but to be honest when we are in our darkest hours we don't give the other side of the story much thought.....our happiness will bring such sadness to another human being....a human being that is giving us the most amazing gift......
Since getting to know this women better, I have listened to the stories she has shared with me about her experiences throughout the last few years......the highs and the lows of her birthmother story....

As I am sitting here today.......I actually have tears in my eyes, just thinking about her pain at this supposedly magical time of year.......I hope, hope.... hope that someone will be as strong, courageous, and selfless as she was a few years ago for us.......since getting to know her, my thoughts and opinions about adoption have changed a little....I always thought I was very open to many different scenarios....but I can see my willingness for openness has changed........I can see how important it truly is....not only for the child that we will hopefully be bringing into our home but for the women that has given us such a gift......the past few weeks have been so amazing to me.....
I still can hardly believe what a gift this has been.....a chance to hear about another adoption story...to really see it from the other side......the pain, the happiness...all the emotions that are still so raw for her....now if we are ever lucky enough to be in a situation of discussing an adoption plan......I will truly know a tiny bit of the emotion that is being felt on the other side.....I pray that if we are ever(hopefully) in this situation....I am reminded of these stories I have heard over the past few weeks...to take our happiness and feel it, but to also truly feel the other side....be aware of it....be aware of the emotions that surround it, take care to support and speak truthfully, from the heart......and to always remember what is best for this little life that is coming into the world...

I pray that we both get through this holiday season....that we come out of it stronger and ready to look at the New Year as a new beginning........with such possibilities.....you just never know when a new door will open that makes things so much better!!!!

m :)

6 comments:

H said...

That is so true. I remember sitting in our orientation meeting and thinking that we just couldn't handle having a totally open adoption. As the months passed and I heard different stories, I SLOWLY started to realize that this wasn't all about me, my hubby, and a baby...it was about the amazing person who could somehow bring herself to give a child she loves to another family that she has only known for a few months, weeks, or even days in some cases. Honestly, ever since we met R, I have been shocked at how I feel about her. I want to help her, I want to be there for her, I want to strangle some of her family members (not really:), I want to do whatever I can to help her through this. Everytime we meet, we do talk about the baby, but most of the conversation is about her and her family...and I'm not forcing myself to "be kind". It's not an act...I truly care about her. And if things go south and she chooses to parent, I will STILL care about her...we're involved. I used to wonder if I would feel that way about a birthmom...so don't worry about thinking that you're not sure you could be open. It'll happen, and you'll sit back in amazement and think, "Wow...this is awesome!" Your days are ticking by, and your time IS coming!

Shell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shell said...

Why do you want to make me cry some more? LOL...well happy tears this season are good too :)

Gotta love when prospective adoptive parents start to really understand openness :)

Rebekah said...

This is so good. Such a wonderful connection. I am priveleged to have a birth mother in my family and knowing the other side of the story in such an intimate way, shaped my heart and emotions for our birth mother, before I ever met her. Knowing the heart of one birth mother will give you such compassion and grace for all of them.

Hang in there, these next couple of weeks...I know it's hard. Really really hard.

Dionne said...

How great! You speak the truth, chickadee! You are so compassionate and considerate and I can't wait for your day to come!

Erica said...

Wow! That sounds SO incredible! Everyday, I feel so overwhelmed at the fact that I'm living a dream...both MY dream and L's dream. Sometimes, I feel guilty because he is so awesome and I know that every day that I celebrate, she doesn't. It's a crazy dynamic and relationship.

Erica