Wednesday, March 11, 2009

comparatively speaking....

Something has been on my mind lately........this thing we "humans" do.....this jealousy thing...this always comparing ourselves to our neighbours thing......why is it that we feel we have to keep up with the "JONE'S"????

I would like to sit here and tell you that that never happens to me....but I would be lying if I said I don't ever get a twinge of jealousy when I see one of my friends or peers purchase or receive something I think I might like.....sure it happens....but I do not let it control me.
If and when I do feel like this I try to remember how lucky I am, I think about the things I do have and how grateful I am for them. I have been very fortunate in my life..... I do not ever remember wanting for anything...now that is not to say that as a child if I said I wanted a ridiculous toy or piece of clothing I would get it...but if I needed something it would be there.
I have also been fortunate enough to always have had a well paying job so yes I have been able to afford most things that I felt I needed or wanted...........clearly I have gone overboard in the clothing department but we are taking care of that this Sunday.....hint hint CLeAn CloSeT EvENt wink wink.....

What I am getting at here is I just can't understand why some people let what other people have or do consume them......I had an encounter with someone today that I just can't get out of my head..and this has happened with this same person before......this little chat consisted of 10 mins of them telling me, how jealous they are of the things that I have........my friends, my career, my clothes, my everything....it made me SO uncomfortable...as it does every time this happens.......it makes me not want to share anything with this person, for fear that it is going to make them uncomfortable even if it is as simple as my husband and I went out for dinner on the weekend.....because that is not something "they do"!!!

I wish I could help this person.......but I can't seem to figure out how???

I really feel for them.........they are struggling........and at this point they seem to have this tendency to look at everyone else's lives and what others have, instead of being really happy and grateful for what they have.....and I can think of 2 very major things they have that I would give anything for....yes I am sure you can all guess what those 2 things are.........children.........
I would never say anything like that to this person, but I do wish they could look a bit deeper. Stop trying to make me feel bad about the choices I have made in my life to get my where I am. I think they need to concentrate on the things going on in there own life... celebrate there successes....think about what they would like to change and work on it, instead of worrying about what I am doing...

Time after time they do this to me and I am wearing down, my patience for it is wearing very thin..........I get that they try to hurt me because of there own insecurities....but man....it is driving me crazy.....the next time I hear "I really envy that" or "oh it must be nice to be able to do that" or just that look that I can see when I am talking....about nothing.....just very random things.....

I know I am not going to change this persons thoughts or actions, no matter what I say or do. It is unfortunate.......I think many relationships that could be thriving lasting friendships don't survive because of behaviour like this.......
One thing I know for sure is, I am going to really try to keep this in check for myself....celebrate my life and my successes and the things I hold near and dear....not worry about what everyone else has or is doing. That is just valuable time wasted! Time that I can continue to work on my own life and my own goals....

m :)

7 comments:

Erica said...

I'm taking it that this person is a friend and not a client. It's a toughie, and it really depends on whether or not you want to keep this friend. If it's just a rough spot, then hopefully this funk will pass once they get through it. But if they are like this all the time...that's another thing. But you are right: don't let their negativity bring you down or make you feel like you need to be ashamed or sorry for what you have accomplished. You work hard to have what you do and there is nothing wrong with that. If you want something, whether that be a happy marriage or a successful career, you've gotta work at it. And it's nobody's fault but their own if they aren't putting the time into making that happen and instead focusing on how easy it is to WANT it and not DO it. No need to walk on egg shells...it probably wouldn't matter anyways. If they want something to be unhappy about, they are going to find it. So just be yourself and be happy. That's my 2 cents...not that you were asking. ;)

Maki said...

I think "jealousy' does exist within all of ourselves. But it all depends on how you handle it, just like you said.

I was doing just that, comparing other people's lives to ours when my husband had lost his job for almost two months a little while ago.. Actually it happened 5 days before Christmas and ended 3 days before Valentine's day..

It was tough and I did compare my life to my friends' a lot of times.... But then, there is nothing uglier than self pitty, you know what I mean? I got tired of it...

I need to grow more as a person...

Sally's World said...

I always think that its how you look at life, someones always got, more bigger, better...but all the time that person is concentrating on what they DONT have, they are attracting more of the same...perhaps by feeling grateful for what they do, it will attract more to be grateful for.

i have friends that do the same, 'i havent got,' and i joke and say well, get of your arse and go and get it for yourself then....and even though its a joke, and sometimes we have less choices, i do think we have to go after what we want.

its okay to feel a little envious if it will spur you into action,and if you can still be happy for that person...when it becomes negative...it becomes dangerous.

it is most important that people don't play down their achievements to those people too, be proud!!!

great post as usual xxxx

Dionne said...

That ugly green monster pops up in everyone's lives. It comes from no one having a perfect life. I am sure that even people that we think have it all look at our lives and envy something about it. It's normal, but you're right - as long as we don't go all mean and crazy about our little twinges of jealousy, it's ok.

Your Clean Closet event sounds like it's gonna be AWESOME!!!

Brooke said...

contentment is something i struggle with.

i have a gorgeous place to live, a sizeable cushion in the bank.

yet i find myself jealous of my friends who buy the latest gadgets...even though they are broke.

not sure if i'm jealous of the stuff - or the fact that they are free from worry.

Jamie D said...

grass is always greener

Parenthood For Me said...

Great post. I have experienced some of the pressure to "keep up." But it has never been too bad because I really do have a great life. I found as I got older it was obvious that some of us would excel inot higher paying careers and some of us would struggle a little bit more. In the end, people are people. What you're dealing with sounds difficult. That would be hard and it is unfortunate that this person may lose a friendship b/c of it. You might want to reconsider saying something. After all that's what friends are for. Saying things we don't want to hear. Maybe she needs guidance and it is a cry for help. Just a suggestion. I obviously don't know you or your friend.
I read your profile and wanted to write b/c I am an adoptive mom. OUr son is from Korea and his finalization is today. Good luck with your adoption. It is a wonderful experience.