Saturday, March 7, 2009

the other side!

I had a really interesting conversation at work yesterday with one of my clients. Now one thing that you will find interesting is that this conversation was with one of my male clients! I have had this husband and wife "team" as clients for a few years now....it started as they all do, the wife started coming to me and then finally after much nagging on her part she convinced her husband that a "hair salon" is not a place to be feared....no one would bite, scare or hurt him he needed to go and get a proper haircut!! lol


So he and I started our relationship..........slowly at first, you must be very gentle with these men that have spent 40+ years at a Barber Shop....but with time he has become very comfortable with me and we can chat away for the full half hour with ease, not to mention he has a killer new stylish do!!!


So yesterday "G" asked me if my husband and I were going to have any children.............hmmm interesting and thoughtful I thought, that he would even care to ask......as I am typing this I am thinking how funny that is.....the fact that I think it is thoughtful that he cared to ask.........I would venture to guess that if a women caught me on the wrong day and asked that question I would think she was just a nosey gossip..and would want to ripe her eyes out...lol...the mind is one crazy thing..... anyways on with the story!!!

So he asked and I answered, telling him our story! He looked at me with tears starting to well up in his eyes and said.........my wife and I wanted to adopt too. We unfortunately couldn't have children naturally, my wife being a teacher adored children and I had always wanted tons of kids running around! It was such a shock when we found out that we couldn't conceive.......but we were determined so we went through the adoption process.
I was stunned at what he was sharing with me, but also I am well aware of the fact that these two do not have any children........of course over the last couple of years I have wondered about that..and just assumed that it was a choice they had made.........that they were happy and content without them!
"G" went on to explain how strenuous the process was for them......the waiting was so hard on them both........they waited and waited for 4 years and then had to relocate to a different city for his job.........of course they expected that there files would just be transferred to this new city and they would continue on waiting.....they even felt new hope that maybe this was a path they had to take to get to there "child".............but unfortunately they were stunned to find out that because they had changed districts they would have to do ALL the paperwork again..........I do know how excruciating that is.......I don't know what it was like back then but obviously from their reaction it was not something they wanted to do again!

So after a lot of soul searching he said they decided to end there wait and put there dream of being parents to rest..........

WOW...........you know I surround myself with people that are either waiting or have had success with adoption.....never people that have been through this process but have not had success.....this was an interesting perspective for me to hear!

I did feel comfortable with him so I asked the question....now looking back I can't believe I asked this....but I did....so do you have any regrets??? I know gutsy of me.......but he answered with heart and courage.....he said "Michelle, you can never have regrets......at the time that was the right decision for us...we just couldn't do it anymore.....we have had a wonderful life....we enjoy each other, we have tons of fun together.....we have been able to do things that other couples that have children have not.....travelled places...done exactly what we want when we want.....do I ever think about how our life would be if we had been chosen to parent a child..... absolutely....but that was not Gods plan for us and he knows what is right and wrong.........we believe that very strongly.......God is what has got us through this....has made us stronger people...a stronger couple...together."

Well I am so glad I asked that question.............I truly hope this is not our outcome, I actually have tears running down my cheeks as I write this.......gosh I don't want this to be our story....but I do believe God has a plan.....our plan and we will just have to WAIT with patience, enjoy this time we have together and carry on......hoping and praying......

m:)

11 comments:

"FINE"al thoughts... said...

Wow...what an insightful post! I love to chat with people and never considered cutting their hair would be a great way to do it. Having 5 kiddos myself I can't imagine the struggle you and that couple face(d) but I'm rooting for you and know it will work out just the way it is supposed to. Thanks for stopping by my blog this morning BTW...I really enjoy yours!

Yaya said...

Wow, what an amazing post.
Lately, while going through the adoption process and fertility treatments I'm becoming very overwhelmed and I just feel like I'm ready to give it all up. And then I think, wow, could I really do that? Could I possibly live my life without kids? That had to have been the hardest decision of their life.
Thank you for sharing this.

Yaya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yaya said...

Oops, sorry, I accidentally double posted the comment and then deleted one. ;)

Chris Bliss said...

I loved the post..I cant even imagine how much is involved in the adoption process! It breaks my heart that couple had to wait so long!
Keep up the faith... like you said, god has a plan for you! And i am sure its good!

Tiffany said...

That's quite a story for him to share with you (and you with us). You're in my prayers. We had a difficult journey with our adoption. I can understand how a couple would get to the point of not being able to do it any more and praying God would make them "content in all circumstances" as Paul says (in Romans? I can't remember where that verse is). Anyway, my prayers are with you.

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS to say hi!

Anonymous said...

Michelle: This journey may seem so hard...but you have met and had conversations with so many amazing and faithful people...it truly amazes me too...love, Mom.

Dionne said...

That couple are so strong. To have gone through all that and not have a child at the end of it. And then be brave enough to move on. Wow.

Maki said...

Aww I'm glad that you and Mr. G were able to share his/your story together...

I've said before that I have two friends who have had tough time conceiving. Finally, one of the girls got pregnant only to have still birth a month before the due date. It was heartbreaking for all of us. Now, she and her husband are taking break from all that, because sometimes, focusing too much energy on getting pregnant loses what they have as a couple. They have come to realize that if it happens, they will be the happiest people on Earth. If it doesn't, they still have each other. And they are very happy and at peace where they are at right now

I'm sorry this is the longest comment ever..

Like always, I'm cheering for you and your hubs!!

xoxo

erin said...

I struggle a lot with uncertainties. I am in my 30's now, and I do not have any children. I am with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with, but we've only been together for a couple of years. He is not ready for marriage right now, but assures me that it is not out of the question for the future. Neither of us is ready for children, but we are both aware that the choice not to have any now - given our ages - may mean not being able to at all. We are well aware that the adoption process may turn out to be our only option when/if we decide to become parents. I totally understand G's perspective that we cannot have regrets. We have to live with the choices we make, and we cannot waste our emotional energy on regreting the paths we did not take.
I wish you the best of luck and the shortest of waits.