Tuesday, October 20, 2009

for a friend....

Last night I received a really nice, moving email message from an old friend. It honestly came at the exact moment that I needed it....I was having one of those nights....I wish I could say that most times I am up and positive and.... lalala, everything happens for a reason type of a mood...but I do seem to have these times....the culprit...the damn internet....ughghg I get on this stupid thing and I read and I search and google.....and most times it just brings me down....so last night was such a nice surprise to get an uplifting, really sincere note from an old friend!

This email did two things for me....(at first it made me cry harder)lol but after that it showed me that so many people are supporting us....this friend and I don't talk very often, I have no idea why, we have businesses right down the street from each other and have been friends for literally almost our entire lives...starting kindergarten together...but for some reason in the last 10 or so years we have drifted apart....but every once in awhile we are at the same function and we chat for hours....so to have her send this out of the blue just to tell me she cares...well it was so so nice....the other thing it did for me at that moment was instantly gave me peace and courage to keep going...and I needed it at that point in time!

Of course this message came with the intent that you would pass it on....now my friend said to me that she doesn't ever send these things around but really thought of me when she read it...so I started to think, and the first person that popped into my head was a friend of mine that is going through the same process as us.....the dreadful waiting for domestic adoption process....so I sent it on to her with a note saying I hoped that all our dreams came true within this next year...

It truly is funny how small the adoption world becomes when you are immersed in it. This particular friend is from home and we have known each other for years.....wow when we met some 10-12 years ago I can say for sure neither of us thought we would be going through this at the same time....
To be honest I can remember the instant that I became aware of her and her husbands adoption desires....in Canada when you want to adopt you are required to take a course called P.R.I.D.E....so last year Terry and I decided to get the weekend long seminar over with....as we drove into the parking lot, I can remember my stomach doing a flip flop wondering if I was going to know anyone in this class...ughhgg I thought please NO I just want to do this on our own...I don't want anyone to know(HAHAHA so funny that I didn't want anyone to know then...fast forward one year and we are on the cover of the Globe and Mail...go figure... who knew)lol...anyways we walked in and there she was....someone I knew and knew very well....great I thought....just great....I have no idea if she felt the same way.....but after the first day...I had calmed myself down and decided why wouldn't I embrace this and be grateful to have someone familiar to talk to and commiserate with about our situations.....so the rest of the weekend we sat together and chatted about everything!

We have emailed back and forth ever since then...updating each other.....T and I were just finishing our homestudy process as this couple was beginning so we told them what to expect etc ect...
So now here we are two couples waiting.....waiting for the same thing, in the same location.....I have to be honest...I sometimes am nervous to email her...I get nervous that she is going to tell me they are being presented and then I am going to go into a tail spin over that...or she is going to say "oh guess what we are matched"....blah yes I know this sounds horrible...but I am human and I being honest here...I sometimes feel this sense of envy, I start to compare..I know logically that we are both on separate journey's and when things are supposed to happen for either of us they will...there isn't really anything we can do to change that......sometimes though, I just can't even stand that we know each other so well and we are waiting, praying and dreaming for the exact same situation to come up....
Tonight I received a response from the email I sent to her last night...and I think it is safe to say she is feeling the exact same way....she too is a human being...wanting something to happen so badly, that she too has those feelings, I do......this process is so hard, it drains you...it takes your heart and rips it apart time and time again...you become a person that you never ever wanted to become....sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes envious, and then the next minute you have hope....honestly you just never know what the day will bring......

So what I want to say to my friend is.....we have 2 choices here, we can stop talking and hope we never hear how the other is doing(likely not an option seeing we live in the gossip center of the universe) or we can support each other....it is highly probable that one of us is going to have a baby before the other....harsh but true....unless by some stoke of luck there is an onslaught of HC babies this is not going to happen.....so we need to be there for each other....we are the only two people that actually know how each other are feeling, we can actually relate to each other....we really do know...so many people try to feel it, but unless you have been here, in our shoes you definitely don't get it.....so we need to be each others support system....helping each other keep the faith!!!

Because as the message said.....this is going to be our year!!!
m

3 comments:

loveyoualready said...

Your friend is lucky to have you. I have a long-distance friend from the U.S. I met online YEARS ago - I think it was in an IVF forum - and we have never met in person (or even spoken on the phone), but she is the only person I've had to REALLY talk to after all this time. It does make a difference to have that support.

At the same time, one of us will end up with a child first (although there are many days where we both wonder) and it's going to be TOUGH on the other...so tough.

Sorry you were having a particularly rough night.

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

Your honesty is beautiful. I pray that you will realize your dream.

I'll leave you one of my favorite quotes:

That many had traveled farther and done so in finer style bothered me none. My journey was my own and I found it to be quite spectacular. - Markus Pierson

Dionne said...

Perfectly timed emails from friends are so uplifting. Almost like they can read your thoughts from afar and send you a little encouragement. Friends like that are the best!