Thursday, October 29, 2009

black and white.....

So as we kind of expected we have not heard anything from the potential BM from the weekend.....

As more and more days pass, I just can't help thinking about this young women and the turmoil she is going through.....putting all my feelings aside, my heart is breaking for her. Seriously when I put myself in that situation and start really thinking about it......it boggles my mind.....I can NOT sit here and say to you that I would choose adoption, if I was in her shoes.....I know some of you reading this are going to disagree passionately with me......but if I think back to my 20's....I just can't say forsure that is what I would choose....I just don't know!

I have had a few conversations this week with various people in different stages of life and it really does amaze me how black and white some people are.......they find it so difficult to see many different angles to different situations.....especially unplanned pregnancies.....

I have seen anger from people that are in the same situation as T and I.....anger that young teens would choose to parent, I have seen disgust from women that have 2 to 3 children of their own, when discussing abortion...I have seen sadness when a client asks me if we have heard anything and as always I have the same reply..."nope nothing"..."why not they ask, whats going on" and I explain for what seems to be the hundredth time,.. well some of it is that teens are choosing to parent...etc etc.....this week I have seen and heard it all......the most bizarre comment this week was when a young girl said to me..."I can't believe that someone so old(meaning the 20yr old that contacted us) would even think about adoption".....translation everyone in my school is keeping their babies whey wouldn't she.....yep this is the world we are living in....that kind of stuff is just normal right now......my reply by the way was..."well let's see..for starters, she is in university, she is not married or even in a relationship, she doesn't have a job...do I need to keep going here...these are reasons why young women entertain adoption?????

Then there is me....always trying to see all sides.....trying to take every situation as it is......when I think about situations I try to imagine myself and what I and my family would have done or would do......and seriously most of the time I do not feel anger.....don't get me wrong there are many moments when I see a women stroll by my salon with a dirty stroller, 3 kids hanging off her hip and she is smoking a cigarette....now that gets me down.....why why why I think.....these poor kids......but when I see a situation like I did a few weeks ago in my DR office....an 18 year old girl, a gorgeous baby boy and the young girls mother....cuddling, talking and caring for this baby....I can honestly say that I am okay with that......
I do strongly feel that the birthfamily is the best place for a child, now matter how old the BM or BF is....IF they are getting an astounding amount of support from family and friends...and they want this and know the ramifications on the rest of their lives......their lives are going to be tough...it is not going to be easy, but if they have family support, love, and lots of help I do think it can work...and be the best for the child.

When I think of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy, no matter what their circumstances.....I just can't even imagine what they go through, when they are trying to figure out the rest of their lives....that will now either have a child in it or not.......to choose adoption absolutely amazes me.....it is the biggest, most amazing gift that any women could give....I can see why only 4% choose this option...I really can....I can see that it would be so much easier to choose another option....so much easier......
I truly hope we are lucky enough to meet one of these amazing, selfless women someday and hopefully help her....make her feel good about the decision she is about to make....she of course would be making all of our dreams come true, but more importantly I hope we would be helping her do what's best for her and her child.......in my eyes any birthmother is a hero...is stronger than I will ever be...and they absolutely amaze me!!!!

5 comments:

Rebekah said...

Keep it up girl. Compassion goes a LONG way.

RB said...

I have even had disgust as a reaction toward birth moms because people can't believe that someone would place their child for adoption. Now, that came from someone who has had an abortion too! Yes it is better to kill your baby than give it life and place it for adoption. Where's an eye-rolling emoticon when you need it? I defend birth mothers whenever I can. People just don't understand. Your compassion is fabulous. Like R said, kee pit up! :)

Dionne said...

I love this post, you are such a caring and understanding person. Seldom do birth mother's get a good wrap, and it's great to hear someone out there with compassion!

BB said...

Wow, wow, wow! Great post and I agree 100%!!

Shelley said...

As a birthmom, this is touching.

Also the "sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes envious, and then the next minute you have hope..." took me back to my days when I was pregnant with the child who would become my birthson. Amazing how women on both sides....whether placing a child for adoption or hoping to adopt, have the same feelings.