Saturday, October 10, 2009

Thanksgiving.....

Thanksgiving 2009.....

Well what can I say, right now I feel like I have a little red creature with a fork in hand on my right shoulder, and a beautiful white creature with a halo above it's head on my left......that little red creature is saying.....screw you thanksgiving and of course the more sane left shoulder is saying.....my gosh you have so much to be thankful for....

Yep that's exactly how I feel this year.....now please I don't want anyone sitting thinking my gosh what a selfish girl....we are all so lucky....yes yes I know that....believe me I know....my cousin right now is in Kenya and every blog I read of her's confirms the fact that all of us living in the Western part of the world are sooo lucky, we have NO idea what their life is like......I have clients that are living nightmares right now...they have either lost a loved one due to a tragic unexpected accident or they are dealing with a terminal illnesses within their families....so don't get me wrong, I know that my life's issues are very very trivial comparatively speaking......

But well this is my pity party and I am going to write about how I truly am feeling..........I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs....I feel like having a full out, stomping my feet, crying like a two year old temper tantrum!

I am not looking for anyone's sympathy right now....that is the last thing I want, but at this moment in time, I am having minutes in my day that I am just not very thankful.....I'm pissed......I'm annoyed and I am tired!

I don't feel like being nice 24-7...when every single day I reiterate our story...of waiting....and how "everything is just hunky dorey".....saying and trying to believe that everything is going to work out, using this chipper, trying to be positive high pitched voice that I don't even recognize....yes this Thanksgiving I am finding it tough......

And then after all these negative thoughts.....that little white figure on my left shoulder gives me a nudge and I remember.........I am so lucky.....I have things that lots of people will never have.......not monetary things...things like a wonderful husband.....not every gets to spend everyday with their best friend....an amazing family...immediate and extended....my parents, brother, in laws, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins....everyone is always there for us....loving and supporting us whenever, wherever.....friends and coworkers...clients....the support we receive on a daily bases is unreal......yes I have tons to be thankful for....

But most of all I have this thing called Faith and a trust in God....that just keeps pulling me back....bringing my up from the darkest spots, making me believe that all of this is going to work out.....all of these little moments of sadness, frustration, fear and anger are all going to be worth it...they will all be a distant memory someday!
One day I will actually think that it has all been worth it....that we made all the right decisions because it ended well.....yes the thing I am most thankful for this year is the fact that God has given me enough strength to still have faith that this is all going to work out!

1 comment:

Dana/WiredDesign said...

Can I join your pity party? Yes, yes, always so much to be thankful for, but still hoping for that one little "someone" that's still missing...don't I know it!
:)
Day by day - that's all we can do!