Once upon I time, I started a blog....named Bloggin Instyle. I don't know what possessed me to do it at the time...I think I was filling a void of some sort...however I have always had the urge to write(which is hilarious because if you have read even 1 of my posts you can see that my grammar sucks and thankfully we have spellcheck ha)...I do remember as a young girl though telling my Mom I was going to start a book about my life...well I think I got a few pages down and then in true Michelle style I went on to the next creative outlet I could find...who knows...maybe I started to hook a rug, or begged my Grandmother to once again show me how to knit(how I wish I would have retained that skill she so patiently taught me), but the point is I always wanted to write...journals never cut if for me though....maybe it's my desire to be in the public but not really be in the "public"...or maybe it was simply that I saw a friend on FB say that she started a blog and I wanted to see what all the hype was about(she doesn't have a blog anymore, go figure)!
So I started this blog and I loved it LOVED it....I loved being able to write my own story, whether others read it or not I just loved to get it out. I guess it was therapeutic in some way. There were some things that did drive me nuts though, the fact that you have no idea who is reading it and when I first started I made what I think was a mistake for me personally, I displayed my blog on my FB page so of course my 400 hundred "closest" friends had access....and at the time I thought that is what I wanted. But as time went on, and clients came in and would say, "I read on your blog" or, "oh how was that shopping trip" etc etc....it just seemed a bit wrong and a tad creepy...but I soldiered on, loving the wonderful connections I was making...meeting women who were also struggling with infertility and adoption, other stylists, other women just like me!! I was loving pouring my heart out and having people enjoying my posts...laughing and crying with me but most of all supporting me on my journey.
After months of having the blog up and running a few not so nice things happened. I had a few different people in my life confront me about some of the things I had said in my posts...and these were important people in my life...so I cared! Yes everything I was writing was truly how I was feeling....things were never written to hurt others...honestly like I said earlier I had no idea that these friends were reading my blog...however they were and they were hurt, and that hurt me. Did we clear the air, I hope so, I truly believe we did. However to be honest I never truly forgave myself, I really felt awful about hurting friends feelings on my blog....but I continued to write.
Then one day when I was feeling very down about our lack of adoption opportunities and just feeling so so sad I wrote a post about adoption and a group of women read it and very strongly disagreed with what I was saying.....they commented and called me every nasty shitty name in the book, terrible things...I just couldn't believe my eyes(however I had never had so much traffic on my little blog lol)....I know now this happens and I know that people are not always going to agree with you...but this hit the core of me....I was distraught over it.
After those few episodes my desire for blogging dwindled a bit....I would still write from time to time but just wasn't feeling it. Until somewhere between failed adoption number 1 and Little D arriving I stopped completely. I maybe posted 4 times in the past few years. It's too bad really because the last year and a half would have won me some bloggy prizes I'm sure, cause this road has been super bumpy......however I really didn't give Bloggin Instyle a thought....until Labour Day 2012 hit!!!
My sweet bloggy cousin Britt, you can find her @ www.takingordersfromacookie.com was just getting her blog going...so we spent the weekend talking about blogs and potential posts and klout scores etc etc...as we chatted I pulled up the ole blogger account and there she was Bloggin Instyle..."now a family of three page"....hmmm it had been awhile...there were even some old comments that I hadn't published, some sweet bloggy awards...Britt and I talked about blogs all weekend and she said M you have to start again...come on...do it....
So here I am....starting again!!!!! I hope to stay....I hope to make connections, I hope to make you think, ponder, wish, dream maybe even cry and most definitely do your best belly laugh from time to time. What I don't mean to ever do is hurt you, anyone...from family members that tune in, to friends or clients..or people I have never meet face to face....I am truly writing how I feel, writing from my heart. I hope you will join me as I saddle up once again and start Bloggin Instyle!!!