I have to start this post by saying, that yesterday I went somewhere, and I truly wasn't sure how I was going to handle it.....I had actually at one point thought about "calling in sick", but realized I could never do that to my good friend. So I took some deep breaths and went for it. I also must point out that what I am about to write is how I was feeling, it had nothing to do with other people, it had nothing to do with feeling jealous or annoyed or angry with others it was all about the feelings that were happening inside of me!
Yesterday I spent the morning with my good friend Dee and her newborn twins. I will honestly say that I was worried about going to Sick Kids Hospital and being surrounded by all these babies. i figured oh boy this is gonna be a healthy situation now isn't' it!!! I wanted to see Dee so bad, and of course her babies, I just didn't know who I would feel once I was there.
Well I went and had an absolute great time....so good to chat and spend time with Dee. The babies are just adorable, getting stronger and bigger everyday. I was even able to hold them while Dee was feeding the other. All of it was a great experience.
What I found disturbing about the whole visit was watching some of the other people in there with their babies.....now imagine a small room filled with cribs, I would say there was five of them in the room...so five babies equals possibly 10 parents...yikes a lot of people...and Dee was the only one in there that looked "normal" or old enough to have a baby.... AHHH one couple I swear didn't look a day over 17...now I guess one good thing was that they were there as a couple. They were being discharged when I was there. I could even sense that the nurses were wondering how they were going to do it by themselves...There were some other "subject" people around also...so yes I did find that very frustrating..but I guess I got to see it first hand....instead of just believing everything our SW tells us....yep young people are keeping there babies right now..that is just the way it is.
When Dee and I were walking back out to the elevator...I made a joke(anyone reading this please note that I am being very sarcastic here) "this would be a great place to steal a baby now wouldn't it".....lol Dee laughed and replied..."well Mich, just in case you ever get the urge ...all the babies have security tags on there little wrist...so even if you did make it to the elevator the whole hospital would go into lockdown".....hahaha...."yeah well I guess I will just go home then...I don't really have time for that today now do I"....:)
So I am really glad I went and it was okay! I think I have been putting so much pressure on myself with this whole situation....a lot due to the fact that 2 of my really good friends are having babies this year....and I just don't want them to ever feel uncomfortable around me....yes this is hard...do I look at them and sometimes feel a bit sad...I sure do. I wish we could be going shopping for maternity clothes together or picking out stuff for our nurseries together...or just be able to talk about the whole thing...and actually talk not just listen because.....well I don't know what it feels like so it is hard to relate.....but I know in due time I will be able to share the most important things about having children with them!
I am so glad that yesterday was a good experience, now I can stop worrying and just let this year happen...the year of the babies....for us too I hope!! :)