Monday, January 12, 2009

a realization....

So this blog was something I started doing because, as I have said before, I needed a place where I could journal about this time in my life. I am a person that can easily write down what I am feeling, things just seem to flow when I am writing, but to actually verbalize things, well that's a different story. I tend to keeps things locked away deep inside, so I don't have to burden anyone with what is going on with me...I am the one that helps people, that is part of my job, (ahhh and you guys thought I was just here to make you look good)!! lol
I would say it is 50/50 making you look absolutely stunning but the other part of my job is to listen, to comfort, to be excited or sad, or to try to help you understand...this is what I somewhere in all of that I just figured, well no one wants to hear about my stuff too.
The problem with that was.....major life events would happen and the most important people in my life would have NO idea what the hell just went on!!!!!

So I started to blog.....yes you ask why not keep a journal..something more private??? Well that defeated MY purpose..I needed the people closest to me to know what was going on....again many things that I write about I would never tell them in person. An example....a blog I wrote about a week ago...regarding the possibility of our profile being presented...I talked to my Mom twice before I wrote or she read that post and I never mentioned it to her??? I don't know why, I just wasn't ready, or I just needed her to read it....not hear it??? I really can't explain was just easier for me that way. She read it and then we discussed it and that worked for me.

This blog is really only about 2 months old and already some really amazing things have come from it....I have formed a really great friendship with someone, and that honestly was not something I thought would ever happen. My family has been able to support me when most likely I would never have let them...I have been able to express my feelings to people that I would not do otherwise, I received an email from someone today that was so amazing to me and it all stemmed from this blog.

But I have to say I do still find it a bit scary or weird that people are interested in what I have to say, I see my traffic feed and the total "hits" number at the bottom of my blog everyday and it tells me that many are reading....and that is when I second guess myself...should I be writing this, should I be putting myself out there like this....??? I just don't know?

Our lives are so much different now with all this social networking that we are all doing, a blog my cousin wrote a few days ago discusses this at length....and I have to wonder is it good? I have to admit that I love some good old "facebooking". For me that network has been an amazing thing, it has made my relationships with all my cousins, nieces and nephews closer...I have been in contact with old friends that I wouldn't have otherwise, it has been an amazing tool for my for me yes, it has been a wonderful asset. Has it for everyone though? I bet not, I'm sure it has hurt some people very deeply.

That is what I am questioning about this blog....I love all the good things that have already in a short time come from it. I do worry though, that human nature is going to take over and some that are reading my personal thoughts are going to run with them....I am really trying to remember my "rule" that I spoke about a few days ago..that it is none of my business what others think....and I am going to go with that...but please if you are reading this...feel free to continue...but remember this is my life...these are the things going on in my world, these are my thoughts, no one else's... So read it, enjoy it, laugh with me, cry with me and take what you want from it...but truly, I don't want anyone hurt from this blog...most of all myself!

have a great night everyone!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Michelle: First of all I want to say how proud I am of the beautiful woman you have become both inside and outside but especially on the inside. I am so lucky to be your mom and friend too! I too find it quite amazing how many people are interested in reading your blog and yet I think it points to how hungry people are for community and connections in their lives that they can count on and trust. For me I believe it is because people need to find their way back to the One who created them, people who have put their trust in God and to the peace that comes from God and the gifts He offer if one trusts and has faith. It is there they will find connection and community.Atleast for me that is what has always been at the centre of my life and seen me through all the ups and downs that becomes part of ones'life journey.
So, Michelle, through this blog and through your work I think you are one of those connections that God is using. You are doing amazing "pastoral work" (the term we use in the church)that is so needed in a world that can feel so cold, cruel and depressing for so many. Love, Mom.