Sunday, February 8, 2009

A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N.....

So last night we had a 90th birthday party for T's Grandmother. Most of the family was there and it was a fun night, it was really great to see K there looking so well after the hard year she has had.....suffering with 2 heart attacks a broken hip etc....she is a feisty old cat! We had a really nice dinner and lots of chatting!


When it was time to sit down for dinner, Terry and I sat with the kids at the "kids table". It was great, I think we are still just young enough that the "kids" mostly teenagers now still think we are okay...maybe secretly (they would never admit it) still a bit cool!!! :) So once the adult table started chatting away the kids really start opening up and we get a bit more info about what is going on in there lives! They really are so funny....


Throughout the evening, it amazed me how often the words infertility, IVF, and adoption came up........???? It blows my mind, all of these people know what T and I are going through and have gone through over the last year...but they continue to avoid the subject, they never ever talk about it with us. I don't know what their thinking is, I assume they just don't want to bring it up....obviously they will know if something is happening....but I do wish they would ask us questions because then we would be able to talk about it openly with the kids!

The adult talk about infertility and IVF didn't really bother us that much....this week in the news we have all heard about the women that had 8 babies and the 60 year old women that gave birth to twins...so of course that's what they were chatting about...I can't say that I agree with their opinions...who are they to say that someone shouldn't be ALLOWED to have had those children....after you have been blessed with your perfect children...give me a break...funny how much they had to say about people they don't even know, but they can't muster up the courage to ask their own family about there journey??? totally baffles me really.......I think it is a good thing we were at the kids table!!!

The stuff that concerned me last night was actually said at the "kids" table....on 2 different occasions the word adoption was brought up....I know that they are just kids and kids say things....like "obviously she is adopted because..etc etc"...the word was said in such a derogatory tone. After the second time this happened I spoke up......clearly I had had enough, I was tired of all these people talking about things they have NO idea about...and here T and I sat, the only 2 people in the room that have had anything to do with infertility or adoption, not saying a word.....

SO I spoke up, I looked at my niece(who had just made an adoption comment) and then at my MIL who was watching uncomfortably..."okay that is the second time I have heard the word adoption tonight not used properly....I think it is time for a family meeting"........I know my MIL was feeling really badly...she just said I've tried Michelle........I don't think the rest of the group even heard this going on.....they were too busy trying to figure out how a 60 year old women was going to raise her children....I was thinking to myself....hey guys why don't we try to figure out how the 16 year old girl who is addicted to crack, that just had a baby tonight is going to raise her child?????? agggghhh

So T and I tried to explain a bit about an adopted child to our niece....this is not her fault, she doesn't know any better. I wish her parents would explain adoption a bit better to her and the rest of the kids.......my fear is when this happens for us.......it is going to be such a huge shock for all of them...I would rather everyone talk openly about it now, so all questions could be answered. It would make things so much easier, when it happens we can just enjoy it everyone would be comfortable with it.....obviously that is not what they want to do.....I think they feel, well why would we explain something that might not ever happen....I know that sounds harsh but I truly think that is how they look at it......(I actually don't even know if 2 of the kids even know about it yet).......

I don't know how to change how they look at it, I have told them that we are VERY open about everything and we would like them to talk about it with the kids and also feel free to talk about it to us. I guess that is something they don't feel comfortable doing...I just don't know????

This whole thing is really bothering me today.......I am such an open person and this is so different for me.........I guess I just have to understand that the way T's family handles situations is very different from the way my family does....it isn't right or wrong just different...and I just need to get over it!!! LOL....

have a great sunday.....
m :)

4 comments:

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

Hey Michelle! Thank you so much for visiting and commenting on Life on the Goo Goo Ga Ga!

Loved your post. Sometimes family can unwittingly become the biggest strangers in our lives and all in attempt to save feelings and tread gently.

You may be surprised that all of the chatter that you heard last night becomes nonsense when it all applies to someone in their own family. They will rally around you and know that your adopted baby may not have been born in your belly, but more importantly in YOUR HEART and in theirs!

I am going to follow your blog for a while!

Maki said...

I've seen once before on TV when the adopted child questions her parents' love for her (she knows that she is adopted) because they were having some tough time communicating... The girl said that she didn't come from her mom's tummy...

The mother said, 'You came from daddy's and mommy's heart..." It touched my heart tremedously.

It doesn't matter whether you're biological child or adopted child - the most important thing is love that surrounds the child. I have two friends who're adopted - they are both loved by their parents..

I really don't know what to say about the mom who delivered 8 babies. The problem many people have with the mother is because her intention of conceiving was to make money off of the kids. I don't even know her, but she's going to do a sitdown interview with Ann Curry on NBC this week - I'll have to see what the mom has to say... As long as her intention is pure and can provide the loving home, that's all it matters. We'll see.

Thanks so much for sharing your story!!

I am Harriet said...

Wow. What a great post. Thanks :)

Bri said...

I agree that the family stuff is really hard. It bothers me that my in-laws don't talk to any of the kids in my family about what is happening, but at the same time, they don't really get it either, so I guess I would rather me do the talking, anyway!

I had a really embarrasing adoption moment with an adult in myfamily last weekend. It is hard, there are lots of pre-concieved notions and perceptions that we have to get our families and friends over!